stop! it's pavy time

Over a year later..

2010-11-25T00:17:00.000-08:00

none of you came to live with me in san francisco. but i'll be back in san diego in 2011 i hope. i'm ready for a new chapter in my life. the one where everything comes together and im happy again. i think 2011 is going to be a good year, i have a feeling it will be completely brand new and full of surprises. i'm looking forward to it. i need the change, big time.

San Francisco is amazing.

2009-10-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

You all should come here, now. The food is great, the weather isn't bad. Just a little chilly at times but that's cause us socal kids are spoiled like something else. All of you are moving, but just.. not here. What is with this moving to New York business? You wanna get attacked by giant rats? No, that's cool.. but I think you all should consider San Francisco. Anyways, you miss me. I'm fun, funny, and make you happy. And really, you'd enjoy it here. The people are really cool, lots of style, very nice. I know I mentioned the food, but it's really good. And, tourists are always fun to witness. That never gets old. There's lots of things to do here, so please come move here. just for a year or two.. just for fun, something different. I'm all sad and lonely here, it's gettin kinda lame haha. i have an extra room. So please, come to frisco.. at least to visit your old friend. Because I miss and love you.

If you're not convinced, fuck you. =)

you only live once

2009-04-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

it's true. i kind of don't like the way i've been living though.

i dont why, but ever since i was in the 3rd grade, i had my heart set on being a doctor. and i worked hard.. extremely hard.. to become a doctor. i have an MD attached to my signature now, and am called doctor, but i'm just starting out, and now i'm working harder than ever. this isn't the life i want to live right now, even though i absolutely love what i do, if that makes sense. i chose my own path, i love helping and curing patients, but i don't want to die working hard. after going to school for 20 straight years, i want more. there's more out there. the world is huge, i want to be introduced to it.

i met a gentleman who was in the military. he was stationed in germany for part of his service, and japan, and had a great time. he traveled all over europe, asia, was sent to other places in the world for a week or two at a time, rode elephants, fed kangaroos, hugged orphan children from all sorts of different countries, experienced more than most everyone will in their lifetime. he also killed a couple of people in iraq. all of this made possible with our hard earned money, given up every april 15th.

haha i didn't know where this post would take me, guess i found out. but i dont think that was my point, so i'll keep going. i don't feel like i'm living. yes, i have a great career that took me 20 years to start. but that's not really living. there's so much i want to see, to do. i'm flexible. i'd be happy settling down and starting a family tomorrow. but that doesnt look like it's going to happen anytime soon. i'd be happy joining the navy and being stuck on a ship for half a year at a time, getting to do humanitarian work overseas. i'd even be happy just waking up tomorrow and getting to go to work.

i just feel like i'm ready for more. i have been. having too much opportunity is almost scary. if i really wanted to pack up and travel the world, i could. i'd probably lose my job, but that would be the risk i take. you only live once. if i wanted to go get married and start making babies, i could. it would be a life-altering change, but it a good way. you only live once. if i wanted to go move somewhere else, i could. it would be a lot of trouble, but something different. you only live once.

it's hard for me to veer off the track that i've been on for 20 years though. i'm not near where i want to be in terms of my career, so a part of me just says keep going. but i am ready for more. and in order to satiate that feeling, i'll probably need to go off track for a while. not by a whole lot, but just enough. but then again, there's no need for tracks, huh? you only live once.

On another note, Susan Boyle rocks.

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seems
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

Susan Boyle Stuns Crowd with Epic Singing

2009-02-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

having a planner is good and bad. good because it helps organize your life, a page at a time. i know what i need to do, in what span of time.

my planner is super detailed.

that's part of why it's bad. it's overwhelming. in each month, there are only a couple of days that are blank. and those days aren't actually really blank, cause i usually need to run errands during those days. i wish i had more blank. it's a feeling.. of calm. of nothing hectic. just enjoying the blank.

i need something to fill my planner with more blank. even though it's not possible to add more days in the week, it is possible to take a moment in each day and make it feel blank. i know i need that. i might slowly crumble without it.

Super Universe

2008-10-05T21:58:00.000-07:00

A year has gone by, and i can read each of these past posts and have it feel like yesterday.

However, I've reached a new phase in my life.. and it feels like a lot is going to change.

The major differences in my life now are:
1. i'm a professional, with a degree
2. i moved to san francisco
3. i left my heart in san diego, with a 1 year old who is amazing in every way

I feel like a different person. I feel ready.. ready to do great things in my career, and more importantly i feel ready for life to really begin. I feel all gay for admitting this here, but what i ultimately want is to marry an amazing woman and make her happy every minute of every day. i want a relationship that is so open and honest, so filled with kisses and love.. getting through our workdays thinking about each other and looking forward to sharing the covers at night. i want to make beautiful babies with her.. and enjoy all aspects of parenthood with her.. laughing and smiling through life.

it's scary to think that i might not have all of that in my lifetime. it's something you really cant work toward in the same sense that you work toward a degree or license or something. it's not a one way street because meshing two lives includes just that - two lives. that's what makes things tricky sometimes. but im keeping my heart open for the possibility, for that chance of a lifetime that will make my lifetime.. a super universe

my cleaning duster is empty

2007-09-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

haha, neat eh? not really because that cleaning duster was my main form of procrastination that made me feel like i was doing some use, cleaning my keyboard. and i also liked to put the can up to my face when it got cold. no wonder it's empty cause ive been procraaastinating. i really need to study because i do, but im halfway in a food coma so i could easily fall asleep. i need to buy a frame so that i can hang my CHALLENGE poster. okay im gonna go do work, forreals. hit it mistro! oh but those were amazing. that crepe was amazing. i love food a lot. i have really good taste buds. the boys dominated over the girls of course but they did well. i also gave my first serious sharpie tat today. kat von d style. it was, veerrry niiice! okay i'm off. forrealzzz

time for debaaate

2006-07-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

rooough day man.. bunch of laaame things happened.. only really good part of my day so far has been spendin the morning with jacque.. we almost always have good times though haha right baby?.. thuuug mufasa

i think the po pos are after me.. all of them.. on land and sea.. geeez

alright.. so joc and i have been debating about these four things for a whiiile now.. and well im right.. i just want her to realize that.. so i want your feeedback so she can see that im right. just so you know.. her arguments are her own words.. also.. ladies have a good trip.. be safe.. well.. as safe as bein eurotrash can be.. hahaha whores i love you kids

and remember.. im right.. and also im sure we will offend.. so dont read on if youre one of thooose

1. ranking of sketchy military branches

her argument: marines, navy, army, air force. the only debate here is for 2nd place. i vote the navy simply because every port they pull into, there are prostitutes with their legs open, waiting for them. army men don't get as much ass as they wish they did, therefore are not as sketchy. the navy dudes have the resources and use them.

my argument: marines.. aaarmy.. navy.. air force.. becaaause.. sure there are hookers waiting for sailors.. doesn't mean they go get em.. and if they do.. nothing wrong with that it's up to them. theyre just helpin out the economy.. helpin these women do their jobs! it's not their fault that these women had to resort to such a heinous industry. we all know guys have their needs.. on the ooother hand.. army dudes dont get enough ass so they try to hit up even their friends wives and shtuufff.. haha.. oh and they kill their own mankind mercilessly.. with guns

2. rihanna song "unfaithful"

her argument: omg such a stupid song. i like rihanna a lot, but this song shows her stupidity. looking at this verse alone:

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

she knows that what she has with him is stronger than love, yet she can't stop cheating on him! stupid girl! aaahh that's not even the worse verse. but ok if she doesnt want to be a "murderer" then she should leave the guy shes cheating on and continue fooling around with the guy she's cheating on him with. simple. she has no reason to whine about it 'cause she knows she's stupid and yah, this song is crap. it's almost as if she's trying to get us to feel sorry for the fact that she's a murderer as she says. girl, everyone thinks your song is stupid. pav does too.

my argument: i see why everyone bashes on this song.. i did too until i really listened to the words. my thing is that at least she feels bad for what she's doing.. and realizes what she's doing to him.. i do think it's lame that she can't let him go especially since she knows that he knows.. but then again i think it's even more lame on the guys part to go along with it. i understand how she doesnt wanna let him go cause he's such a good guy.. but she obviously found something in guy number 2 to go ahead and hurt her boyfriend.. so she does suck for cheating on him.. but he sucks for taking it. my point.. is that the song isn't as bad as people think it is.. just gotta look at it from a different perspective.. i understand her struggle so to speak.. and you know.. she obviously feels bad for what she's doing so i give her props for that.. at least she's not bein a sneaky cheater yo.. but dont worry.. im sure her next single is gonna be a fast song that we all can dance to.. haha

3. coldstone vs golden spoon

her argument: golden spoon is way better than cold stone 'cause of the fact that it's yummy, healthy frozen yogurt and not fatty ice cream.

my argument: i dont think there is any argument here.. coldstone wins cause it's damn good ice cream

4. snow boarding vs surfing

her argument: snow boarding is much easier, therefore much more fun. you don't have to worry about catching waves because the mountain is like 1 huge wave! it lasts longer than a wave too and you dont have to paddle out which is a bitch sometimes.

my argument: there is no other feeling in the world like riding a wave.. i think snowboarding is easier because of the fact that the mountain is right there.. doesnt move.. you dont really have to adjust to nature moving underneath you.. carrying you.. but part of the beauty of surfing is that it's almost a tug of war for control.. you and the wave sort of compete for control and if you ride it.. it's as if youve met a balance.. surfing is not as continuous as snowboarding.. but that feeeeling man.. nothing in the world like it.. and.. we live in freakin socal joc.. aint no snowy mountains year rooound like there is the ooocean with waaaves dude

hizzuhhhh

2006-06-27T21:21:00.000-07:00

whatchu gonna do when the crowd goes heeeyyoooooo? soooo ive been doing real world shizznit for a couple days now.. and so far.. me likey. imma try to type all correct and stuffs. cause i gots to do reports and sound all professional. at least type without the.. everywhere.. .. .. juuust kidding. juuuuuuuuust kidddaang.. that was for joc.. haha.. the just kidding master. but life is good.. im lovin what i've done so far with this psych rotation.. some people dont believe in mental illnesses.. but once you're working with these people suffering with them.. it's hard if not impossible to say you don't believe in them.. it's just harder to understand cause you dont physically see the damage.. as in how society normally defines sickness, illness, injury, disease.. whatever.. it's just important to keep an open mind.. so far i've learned that people just want someone to talk to.. i've given my patients the time to talk.. and they appreciatively take it and use it.. we all know it's nice to be listened to.. but things are going great so far.. i know it's only been 2 days.. but i can tell this will be a great rotation.. the peeps in charge of me.. as in my resident and intern.. and the senior resident.. are nice so far.. usually students have a rough time dealin with those peeps.. but im likin them so far.. should be a fun rotation

i love the people in my life my family and friends for bein all supportive and stuuuffs.. aaand i love my laaady i love my chiiic.. jacque's great.. i always look forward to spending time with her.. sharing our days.. i've learned a lot from her.. we've learned a lot together.. can't wait for what the future holds.. i love yooooou baby =)

yeaaaa.. i love you all toooo.. i know i'll be busy.. but i'll make time.. life is much better shared.. besides.. i need to be kept as sane as possible right?

let's watch superman this weeeek.. ive already seen it.. but i liked it a lot.. i cried.. haha.. but yea.. and the faire on friday.. i want me a churro plaate

put that on yo liiipss

2006-05-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you.
And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive.
You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way.
Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

What Color Green Are You?

2006-04-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

they say that you're your own biggest critic. im proud of who i am.. what i've accomplished.. the things im working toward. my grandma is my biggest critic.. and she succeeds time and time again at making me feel completely worthless. no matter how happy and satisfied i am with my life.. she finds a way to get to me.. and make me feel like a failure

these are what you call wasted tears

but everything else around me is peaceful.. im lookin at the sunset right now.. and it's simply gorgeous.. different shades of pink.. the ocean is calm and soft.. im talking to my baby.. these are the things i look forward to.. things that no one can take away from me

everything will be okay

can't sleeeep.. ramble time

2006-03-08T02:17:00.000-08:00

travis: i could wash my clothes on your stomach
travis: and then lick the water off
pav: yea.. im not sure whyyy you said that..
pav: but it's nice.. hahaha

i thought jacque would appreciate that.. hahaha =P you and your tent condom homosexual sex dreams.. hahaha.. youre silly.. i love you

so i've been up doing work.. and i can't sleep.. and have a couple things on my mind.. such as.. marines.. and africa.. not related.. well in my thought processes.. theyre not related.. but yea.. i dont want to get into the idiot marine situation.. but as far as stereotypes go.. i havent been proved otherwise thus far.. and frankly.. i dont think i will be

so africa.. so i got into a verbal fight pretty much with some.. chic.. im not going to call her any bad names.. because ill save that for fucking retarded marines.. haha.. im gonna get arrested or something.. oh well.. anyways.. so this woman.. doesn't understand why africa should be given debt forgiveness.. she doesn't think money should be handed out like that.. even though because of this debt.. the continent is struggling as a whole..

so first off.. just some.. facts..

in africa's sub-saharan region alone.. that is.. the areas of africa south of the sahara desert such as i believe sudan.. chad.. niger.. are still $201 billion in debt.. despite paying over 90% of their original $294 billion debt.. why are they still in so much debt?.. because of interest.. it's something like.. for every $1.. they are paying $1.51 in interest
and because of this.. they are spending 5x more on debt repayment than on health care and education
their debt should be considered as illegitimate and odious.. because for reasons not understood.. big industrialized power nations.. ahem.. shoved money into africa.. forced them into taking loans.. saying.. take the money.. or else.. and that or else was serious.. because these creditors had the power.. they very well could have done direct damage to africa right then economically if africa didn't cooperate.. for example by stopping trade to and from africa.. or stopping the supply of privatized business
something else to think about.. these creditors shouldn't have wanted to give out these "loans" in the first place because firstly.. they didn't ask for them.. and secondly.. you don't give out loans to just anyone.. you need to be qualified right?.. and they knew that africa was not in a position of credit worthiness
however.. billions were used by corrupt leaders.. to line their own pockets.. and also to repress and inflict more damage on the african citizens.. for example.. the Rwandan genocide that killed more than 500,000 people was funded by loans given by the IMF
yet.. despite that the debts for the most part were incurred by illegitimate parties and used for illegitimate purposes.. most of it would be paid off if it weren't for interest..
but really.. it shouldnt be the responsibility of the people to pay these debts.. because of the illegitimate and odious nature of these debts.. and they have sacrificed enough.. and suffered enough..

people think it isn't right to just cancel their debt.. because.. we have our own debt at home.. and it's not right to just like the africans get away scotch free like that.. but that isn't the case at all.. first.. we have control in both the IMF and world bank.. so noone is keeping us in check for our $4 trillion debt.. yes.. trillion.. also.. the living conditions these people are having to deal with.. are horrendous.. they are humans like all of us.. i believe they have a right to live.. we aren't better than them.. we just have been handed better cards than they have.. but believe me.. they are playing their cards the best they know how.. these people have the biggest hearts.. despite the frankly shitty lives that they are living.. i know im generalizing.. but for a lot of the time.. these generalizations are awfully true.. more than 300 million people in africa are living on less than $1 a day.. seriously.. think about that.. 300 million people.. and of course african countries are the leading countries in infant mortality rates.. which is mainly caused by low birth weights.. due to pregnant mothers being underfed.. or still having to work hard during pregnancy.. a lot of deaths are caused by malnutrition.. too many deaths.. it's crazy.. all they need is food man.. nothing fancy.. no fancy technology that we havent found yet.. just food.. you know.. when i was over there.. i felt so guilty for every meal i ate.. cause it really seemed like that one meal was more than they would eat for days.. almost a week even.. it's a hard thought to grasp..

i havent even started talking about AIDS and HIV.. i won't say much.. just that.. 6000 people a day are dying because of this epidemic.. there are antiretroviral drugs out there.. but for some reason they aren't being made readily available to africa.. and also.. drug prices are greater in africa than they are in say.. europe.. why?.. i dont know.. doesn't make sense.. but only 10% of africans have access to these drugs that mean the difference between life and death.. im sure an even smaller percentage of the people can actually afford to buy them..

so yea.. thats my speal.. i dont think enough is being done to help out africa.. it's really sad to think that our generation could very well be responsible for the extinction of the population of a whole continent.. the people that i met while i was over there truly touched my heart.. i fell in love with them.. i learned a lot from them.. and i believe that if we allow the continent of africa to die off like this.. we are letting go of some of the most worthy human beings out there

2006-02-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

this once a month blogging thing isnt cutting it is it? laura just complained that i dont update.. so ill update now.. happy betch? haha.. you should be

hmm.. had a pretty rough past couple of days.. i shadowed a resident for my clinical elective on thurs.. one of his patients that i talked to that day passed away before my shift was over.. it's just kinda.. someone's there one second.. then they can be gone the next.. it happens.. everything was so much better too.. he was ready to go home.. he felt so much better.. he was in good condition.. yea.. i dunno.. he's gone now..

the workload is infuckingsane.. ill get through it though

havent been watching much of the olympics.. but ill try to watch womens figure skating.. gotta support fellow san diegans.. sasha cohen.. you know

i watched the vagina monologues last night.. it's a really good play.. or show.. or whatever it is.. very funny.. and still very informational.. people joke that guys should make a penis monologues.. i actually think its been done.. but yea.. i dont think men have the material to make a show anywhere near equivalent.. gender isn't equal.. men havent been historically abused.. their penises havent.. their gender role hasnt.. so i dont think the right is there to have a penis monologues.. it would make a joke out of the vagina monologues and that wouldnt be cool

giz.. youre awesome.. you made my morning.. very well might have made my day.. haha.. and im proud of you.. and your spring break better be the same as mine

i need to clean elly's bowl before the weekend is over.. he's so cute i almost can't take it.. kat gets a kick out of it.. imagine when you have kids.. she says

the 26th.. will be the day i will breathe again.. my day of doing nothing.. i better mark it before i forget

rubber baaand man

2006-01-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

someone always says that.. i think it's from a song but im not so sure.. but it lead me to thinking about this exerpt from tuesdays with morrie

The Tension of Opposites

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.

"Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs.

"Yes, you could describe life that way.

"So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?

"He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

you ever have one of those moments.. when youre talkin.. and you dont really know what youre sayin.. or why.. but you keep talkin anyways?..

i was talkin to kat.. and she was like.. why you bein so sensitive?.. haha.. then i was like.. what?.. you wanna desensitize me?.. what's the point of living life numb to all happiness?.. pain?.. i think people are focused on efficiency.. to the point where they have to almost dehumanize themselves and sort of fall into the clockwork of society.. just going through the motions of life.. when really.. living life that is personally fulfilling should be your goal.. or is that selfish?.. are we meant to fill our role in society in the most efficient manner?.. but i dont think that's what humanity is about.. i think the former is the case.. but it's just hard to actually truly and whole heartedly live in such a way.. if i could i would

haha she looked at me.. and was like.. wow.. pav.. a.. "shut up bitch and let me be sensitive" would have worked too.. haha.. no but she liked it.. and made me realize.. that.. we kinda really have to live in society.. we can't just detach ourselves from the world we live in and live how we want to.. it's just not possible.. you have to work with your environment.. cause it's part of who you are.. so living life that's personally fulfilling in a not so personal society is the main issue here i guess.. society doesnt care about our personal well being.. but we make up society.. so we dont care about our personal well being?.. we as in the masses.. i dont know.. we kinda have to right? cause no one else will.. i dont know what im talkin about.. haha.. just.. i think societal pressures cause us lose sight to what's truly important in life.. progresses in our society are progresses in terms of what? technological advances?.. materialistic stuff like that.. but the human condition isn't really progressing.. we just think are.. cause ive gots a brand new video ipood.. haha.. i have a hat.. that says ipood.. but yea this is sorta rooted deep.. and there's no quick fix.. and i dont think we're moving in the right direction to fix things.. when i was in africa.. they didnt have the materialistic like we do here.. but i think they definitely have more of a sense of life.. and humanity.. i think with such a complicated way of life that we have here.. it's a struggle to have that humanity.. but it's just how things are.. so it's up to you i guess.. to get what you want to get out of life.. to decipher between the good.. the bad.. your needs.. your wants.. but im done with that.. haha

i just wanna be a 20 something.. not having much to worry about.. living life day by day.. not the 20 something that's going through a quarter life crisis.. i guess im yearning for simplicity.. my own simplicity.. i don't think i've ever really had time for myself.. taken time for myself.. during the years that matter.. that i guess essentially will mold who i aaam am.. and i need that..

i am living in that pull.. that tension..

official business

2005-12-22T07:24:00.000-08:00

class council

alright.. sooo.. i know it's way early in the morning.. but nicole just came to me with a genius idea.. we are going to have a class of 2000 senior class council reunion!.. the 22 of us were a very knit-tight group.. and most of us have kept in touch with some of us.. and it would be nice to just catch up with all of you guys.. okay the truth is we miss you guys.. haha.. and i know you guys miss us.. we seriously spent a looot of our time together during senior year.. well some of you guys might secretly hate us cause we were mean.. haha.. but yea.. you guys are seriously some of the best people ill ever know.. and it would just be really nice to see you all again.. so we were thinking a day short of a week from now, the 28th.. you all can come over to my place and we can get catered food and pig out here.. or we can go somewhere and pig out.. starting at.. 1400 ish?.. we actually want to do a trip up to tahoe.. but we know it's short notice and spending a couple hours vs a couple days out of your busy schedules is just easier.. but yea.. so just e-mail me.. xsologigolosx@hotmail.com or IM me.. same name as e-mail.. or leave a comment on here.. and let us know what you prefer.. if you could come.. date slash time suggestions.. aaanything.. so yea.. spread the word.. hope to see you all there.. or at least 80% of you.. or else we wont be able to put this on.. because according to the rules we made for ourselves way back when.. if 80% or more of us couldnt attend an event.. we wouldnt have it.. remember that?.. mmmhmmm i know you do.. haha.. but just kidding.. we're not implementing rules.. and i know.. you all love me

the sun is a mass of incandescent gas..

2005-12-20T18:38:00.000-08:00

a gigantic nuclear furnaaace

yup

geez so it's been a while.. i used to update this shit a lot.. im not actually sure you all read it though.. cause most of your comments have nothing to actually.. they dont comment!.. theyre messages.. haha.. but im not complainin.. it's cooo

fiiirst off.. im so happy jacque is doing great.. a lot of you were concerned from my away messages and word of mouth and such.. her health is considerably much better compared to that of last week.. so yaaay.. mmmwah.. there were moments of.. scaryness.. eeee i cant believe all that happened!.. feels like a whiiiile ago.. but really it hasnt been long at all.. but im so happy youre doing a lot better baby.. i love yooou.. mmmmwah.. aaalso.. she's gots a hot new job.. im very proud of her.. i know she'll kick ass =)

fall quarter is ooova.. i suck.. haha.. ive been questioning this whole med school shit.. i still dont know if it's worth it.. and my other plans dont really look to be happenin.. partly because of school.. so im just gonna tough it out.. even though it sucks my liiife

iRiShKiTTeN315: Dear Bestie.
iRiShKiTTeN315: this one time, i was talking to you
iRiShKiTTeN315: and then you never wrote back.
iRiShKiTTeN315: it made me sad.
iRiShKiTTeN315: i had lots of fun stuff to tell you that morning, but you wanted to study instead.
iRiShKiTTeN315: someday youll rule the day
iRiShKiTTeN315: this day.
iRiShKiTTeN315: love, bestie

haha.. i have that on a post-it.. makes me wanna rule the day.. every day.. thanks bestie.. we will wuickie before new years fo sho

ooo fuck i need to pay ooooksd for the upcoming winter quarter.. that means i'll be a little more than 7 grand poorer in a matter of minutes.. haha.. niiiice

eeeeeeeeee! D. mattresses.. final answer! originally developed by NASA in the 1970s, memory foam is most commonly used to make which household item? im watching who wants to be a millionaire!.. aaaand that question juuust popped up.. aaand i put my memory foam thingy on my bed earlier this afternoon.. aaand my pillows came in today.. and i juuust put them in a pillow case!.. neat

i wanna take nyquil and pass out.. but i had a couple beers.. and it's not good to mix the two.. so i think im gonna just drink more and sleep good based on my drunkness.. haha.. eeeeee.. B. spongebob squarepants!.. A. green.. final answer!.. B. germany!.. booooo the show had to stop.. i was on a roll forreal..

theres snot runnin down to my lips real soon and i dont have a tiiissue.. aaaahhhhh.. im kinda sick.. i was so hot today.. i had my AC on in the house.. it's december.. anyone else turn on their AC?.. but im not hot right now.. im really cold.. yes my AC is turned off.. haha

i made chinese doughnuts and theyre oh so good.. i could only eat one though.. maybe tomorrow ill be able to stomach more

whitney houston has a rockin voice

bonerts pumpkin cheese streusel pie.. so damn freakin good.. yea.. im a fat boy

kat and i have some friends over right now.. theyre having a good time karaokeing.. i tried earlier.. but i cant really sing in this condition.. haha.. and im ready to go to bed.. ive gotta feel well enough to lab tomorrow.. i came home a couple hours early today.. prof said i looked horrible.. nice huh?.. haha.. but kat is kinda sick.. and she blames me.. but the only way i could think of why she's sick.. is cause when we were eating chicken noodle soup.. she stuck my bone in her mouth.. and i didnt tell her to.. so nooot my fault.. what are you.. an idiot?!.. hahaha.. good line

i have a crush on rachel mcadams..

we watched the family stone on.. sunday.. it was alright.. i wouldnt watch it again.. but it wasnt bad.. it was just a little too.. predictable..

aaanyways.. yea so im actually still here in san diego.. so if youre in town let me know.. im free after 2:30 on most days

alright im ready to go to bed.. ill take some nyquil.. kiss jacque goodnight.. and im off to dreamland.. sobonana

happy birthday blog!

2005-12-05T22:05:00.000-08:00

i was suuupposed to post this yesterday.. cause i realized that i started this blog egg-xactly a year ago yesterday.. so that meaans.. happy birthday blog!.. i think the date is gonna show up as the 5th.. cause i opened this on the 5th.. but yes.. it's a lie.. today is the 6th!.. okay.. im in class.. random thoughts

- whooaOOh youve got the best of my looove
- i miss jacque.. i hope she's smiling.. and that everything's okay
- im hungry
- it's weird to think.. that.. theres a 5 month old baby in south africa named after me
- last night.. i ate 92 square inches of brownie goodness all by myseeeelf.. mmm.. but shit.. that's a lot huh?
- hot cheetos are oh so good.. i ate a bag of those last night too.. the big kind.. not the snack sized kind.. yea im a fat boy
- haha.. barb used to call me fat boy.. haha.. she's.. gross
- i fell asleep downstairs last night.. and kat emerged from her sex lair and told me to go sleep in my room.. haha totally reminded me of when i was little and i would fall asleep downstairs and my dad would come fetch me
- i sent out an e-mail to the study group this morning.. and it made angie die.. hahaha.. im glad it killed her
- it's funny how deserted the undergrad campus is.. caaause it's finals week for them kiiids
- josh made a wreath.. it's interesting.. it's hanging on our door.. haha
- mmmmm i can't wait for baby love to be home.. i love her
- she makes me mmmmmm.. in both sexual and non sexual ways.. she just makes me mmmmm!.. mmmm i love her.. mmmmmm we have goooood sex

haha.. shes gonna kill me for doing this.. but hahahaha.. this is too cute.. cracks me up

life as im living it

2005-11-08T12:58:00.000-08:00

everyone's moving too fast..

slow down.

you know.. i feel like im at this point in my life where i really need to just.. stop.. and figure out where the hell im going.. it's a hard task to accomplish.. the difficulty of isolating yourself is immense.. especially when the rest of the world doesn't miss a beat and blurs on by.. in some ways i do feel like i am at rest.. my anchor is set.. and im watching the swells pass me by.. and i think to myself.. if i truly did trust fate.. id pull up my anchor and just.. sail through life.. no second thoughts.. no thoughts in general.. just pure feeling and emotion.. living

no one can tell you what the future holds.. "preparing for the future".. such a paradigm.. you thiiink you prepare for the future.. but you cant really.. nothing in the long run at least.. cause the future is uncertain.. so in reality.. youre putting a lot of time into something that you dont know will be tangible.. not intangible.. just not certainly tangible.. i understand that.. but i still want to be navigated in some direction.. if i don't move.. ill just be idle..

settling.. people dont usually want to settle.. but i think we all end up settling in life anyway.. it's just one of those inevitable circumstances.. you have some image in your head of what you want your life to be.. but then.. reality hits and you end up settling for what is comfortable.. and when you make choices along the way.. you convince yourself that the choices youve made are for the better.. even if you know you made the wrong choice.. you play the mind game and convince yourself that it was for the better.. because if it wasnt for the better.. you shouldnt have been able to make it in the first place

Dalai Lama says it best: "Be optimistic, it feels better. The purpose of life is to be happy."

i dont know who i stole that from.. it was on one of my post-its.. you know.. i dont remember putting it there in the first place.. i might have a post-it fairy

it shouldnt be hard to be happy.. but it's like.. i gain hope.. then get shot down by almost painful truths.. i feel my heart mending.. then get thrashed with a wave of heartache right after.. this push and pull.. this tug of war.. takes its toll on you after a while

i love her so much.. it hurts me..

i want our hearts to beat as one..
i want her to be mine..
i want to be hers..
i want to deserve her..

i love her so much

i hurt us.

Being Twenty-Something

2005-10-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with he crowd, and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job...and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realize that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because you suddenly realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself..and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

2005-10-04T03:32:00.000-07:00

nothing

that's all

ive gotta piss

2005-09-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

but i dont like getting up in the middle of class.. i've only got about an hour anyways.. oooo.. good one

Pavque Saves Your Soul

so a lot has happened since.. this thing was last updated.. i have a drafted africa post that im not sure if ill publish.. cause it feels like it was so far back ago.. hmmm a lot is going on actually.. im somewhere in the middle.. middle of my feelings.. i dont know if this middle is concave up or down.. if these moments for now is my high or if this is my low.. it really could go either way.. hopefully theyre my low.. so i have more to look forward to.. but i dont see what that possibly could be.. cause all i have in front of me is schooool.. yea i enjoy knowledge.. but.. ehhh.. this is so grueling.. i think there are other ways to obtain the same information.. in a way that wont burn you out by your 24th birthday.. yea im rambling on about nothing really.. im using angie's laptop.. cause shes handwriting her notes now.. she switches on the half hour.. weird huh?.. yea she has method behind her madness.. but i dont get it.. but yea.. things arent really going my way for much right now.. so im desperately clinging on to the little things.. to keep myself sane.. seeing kids walk to school.. staring at the moon at night.. listening to the waves.. looking at the drawings zo made for me hanging on the fridge.. singing eagles songs in the shower.. thinking about what jacques doing at this very moment.. it was our one month yesterday.. happy anniversary baby.. i love you.. mwah mmmwah mwah.. except im determined to change our anniversary date cause theres a 5 in it.. haha.. just kidding.. for the most part.. =P

time for me to pay attention.. sobonana

aahhhhsavenyaaaaaah taraveeeechananoooo

2005-06-30T05:47:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to work on this post for a while now.. and coming back to it.. i started on.. monday.. and now i changed the post date to the time right now.. and i am going to publish because i might not get another chance to until i come back.. and reading what ive already written.. it's funny cause.. right off the bat i mention lion king and simba.. who is the son of.. muuuuufaaaasaaaa.. hahahaha

anywyas.. youll see where i left off.. and why i couldnt really.. finish my thoughts.. but jacque understands.. no words can be put together to describe this.. this being jis and pis and all of the above and in between.. and i know how i feel.. so i know how she feels.. and vice versa.. so i trust that we feel the same.. and im holding on to your love baby and my bottles of jis.. ich bin zu haus soon baby.. i love you

i gotta get going back up to l.a. soooo.. here's the post that i had drafted.. no comments section.. drop me an email instead playas.. take care of yourselves

thats what i think they say in the lion king.. you know.. africaaaaa.. simbaaaa.. but yea.. i'll be there for a month.. this blog will be.. neglected for a month so i just wanted to give you all a heads up.. maybe write about my thoughts.. so i can read them a month later.. after everything has already happened

i dont know what im getting myself into

ive never really been out of my little corner of the world.. so cal.. mexico.. honolulu.. back and forth.. haha.. my own little golden triangle.. went to england once.. but that was for only a week.. random.. spur of the moment.. thing.. and now im going to be staying in africa for a month.. yes ill be landing in cape town.. where things are more.. civilized.. but from then on out.. we'll be traveling more and more inland where poverty levels are directly correlated to how further you get from the ocean.. and it's a scary thought.. ive read about how bad things are.. been told how bad things are.. seen some pictures.. but.. being there?.. smelling the.. decay.. and.. i dont know.. coming from such a beautiful area of the world.. then being zapped into this lifestyle for a month is a little.. but really a lot.. extreme.. and i dont think im prepared.. ill have a good 27 plus hours of travel time to really get mentally prepared.. so ill use that time for those purposes.. but this is life.. you really have no idea what is coming up next.. ever.. the only difference is that ill be more unaware because my surroundings won't be anything ive been exposed to before.. so i'll just have to use the tools i already have.. and apply them to what i'll be facing when i do face them..

im scared as shit..

it's dangerous over there.. high risk is involved.. but it's sad to think that this is the life these people are living.. and it's not really gonna get better.. that makes me so sad.. im scared that im not going to like anything i see.. in terms of what these people are having to live with.. and it will make me angry.. because i wont understand why they have to live like this.. people seem to lose genuine compassion.. consideration.. humanity.. with the more power they have.. but yea.. i think that's pretty much it.. im scared as shit.. i dont want this experience to turn me bitter.. i want to be able to focus on the good that will come out of it..

it's odd to think that im really going to be.. deserted almost.. cut off from the world that i've known for the past 23.57 years.. haha.. i made that number up.. well.. the last hundredth.. but yea.. it's been such a crazy past week or so.. it's hard to do one thing at a time if you have so much to do.. like.. food on a plate at a buffet.. you dont eat one food item at a time.. you take a nibble of this.. then that.. then this again.. see.. i couldnt do that though.. because of how my schedule worked out.. i dont know what im rambling on about

ill miss you all..

especially you jacque..

oh my pavle!.. your germanic gibberish feeds me

2005-06-18T02:41:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i've done some hard core quality rambling

it's your (un)lucky day.. haha.. maybe

so.. i dont know where to start.. which is fortunate.. cause.. well.. this is a ramble.. oh and by the way.. if you actually survive reading this.. what i predict to be.. a ramble of the uber massive style.. major props.. notice so far i've been making short, concise mini paragraphs?.. say goodbye to those.. bwahaha

oh.. im a just a wee bit crazy

goodbye starting.. now

im going to start off by telling you all about my night.. i shouldn't even bother with these introductory transitions huh?.. yea.. it takes away from the ramble-ness.. okay so my night.. i went to a couple graduation parties with joc and gizelle.. we stayed at the filipino one of course.. haha.. mmmmm lumpia.. and i sang karaoke a lot.. it was fun.. and this lady was like.. chanting.. american idol! american idol!.. haha.. no.. but i sang a lot of good ones.. ohhh oops.. backtrack.. the party before.. anna was there.. it wasn't a graduation party so my sentence about hitting up graduation parties is a slight lie.. cause all were not consisting of celebrations of the graduation type.. okay.. yes.. so i met anna's boy.. finally.. it was funny cause aaron.. anna's boy.. was like.. ohh yooou're pav.. sooo.. i dont know what he meant by that.. but haha.. one of the first things he tells me.. is how he got out of being mormon.. great story.. long story short.. he was at mormom summer camp back in the day.. and him and this girl wanted to get out of it.. sooo they fucked each other for all to see.. and yea.. hahaha.. he is no longer mormon.. and that's also how he lost his virginity.. aaron opened up waay too quickly.. that happens when you have alcohol in you.. for example.. i met these two girls in hawaii.. in line at a club.. both named amber.. i didnt believe it so i made them show me identification.. haha.. but yea.. they weren't lying.. they were both 18 too.. and drunk.. so for some reason we started talking about mechanical bulls.. maybe cause i like them.. haha.. and nipple ring amber.. oh it was funny.. cause when nipple ring amber was talking slash showing us her nipple ring.. this other chic joined in and started freaking out cause she has a nipple ring too.. haha.. so of course she showed us hers.. and they.. gave each other a.. nipple five i guess we'll call it.. anyways.. nipple ring amber starts telling me about how she likes it when girls are wearing skirts.. and you see eeeeverything.. then drunker amber proceeds to tell me that nipple ring amber is very bi.. then they started making out.. then.. nipple ring amber's boyfriend comes and joins them in line.. then.. drunker amber proceeds to tell my cousin and friends and me how nipple ring amber fucked her boyfriend at a club last night.. then she let some random girl eat her out later that night.. which brings me to chlamydia.. i was talking to natalie today.. and the research company she works for has a chlamydia vaccine that they are trying to get fda approved.. that people would be able to take through their nasal passage.. cool huh?.. i thought so too.. also meningitis.. and others that i forgot because natalie is small.. she's about 4'11" and i was thinking awww she's so small!.. they say tall guys like small girls.. it's sorta true i guess.. im not sure.. i dont really.. size doesnt matter to me okay?!.. haha.. chrissy's boy was drunk.. and he was talking about his penis.. talking about how big he is.. and he was like.. baby.. im big right?.. and she was saying yes but shaking her head no.. then gizelle decides to ask steve how big he is.. and he proudly announced six inches.. then in his defense he was like.. but im thick!.. and joc asked how thick.. and he.. showed girth using his fingers.. and she wasn't impressed.. and all three girls started laughing.. girls can be cruel.. i was taking a nap in the lounge cause jillian wasn't there yet.. so then she woke me up when she was ready to lab.. and i was still sleeping actually.. but we started talking and she started accusing me of.. taking drugs slash drinking before lab.. telling me how deranged i sounded.. i just woke up.. what do you expect?.. haha.. and she kept poking me.. in the cheek and in the tummy.. but anyways back to meds.. not like the people that need meds will be able to get them.. you know what's sickening?.. the cost of a lunch here.. can provide a person in africa suffering from HIV.. half a years supply of meds to live a more comfortable life.. so a little can go a long way.. the extreme poverty in so many countries is really mind-blowing.. like.. pretty much everyone i know lives comfortable in their perfect little suburb.. give or take a couple definitition of perfect points.. but yea.. we take life for granted.. we take necessities that come easily to us for granted.. food.. clean water.. and there's so much bad going on in those poverty filled countries.. desperation for money.. for example.. parents are giving up their kids for prostitution.. even gay prostitution!.. thats disgusting.. it just makes me sad to think that there are families.. especially thinking about the children.. that are out there.. with virtually nothing.. little food.. dirty water.. and it's not their fault.. im sure they didn't do anything to deserve such a deprived life.. it's just.. very unfortunate.. when someone is born into a lifestyle like that.. i dont think anyone deserves that.. we're all human.. we all have our basic needs.. i just think poverty is the biggest problem out there.. and it's sad that the richest country in the nation is spending only less than 1% on helping such an imperitive issue.. there's enough money in the world.. extreme poverty shouldn't be existent..

i'll be in africa in two weeks for a month.. helping out at various clinics in southern africa primarily.. i plan on having not one idle day while im there.. i'll have my weekends free.. but im not going to treat them as day offs.. maybe ill take a day or two in order to sightsee.. but other than that.. im going to make the most out of this opportunity that i have been so graciously given.. and help those who are less fortunate.. who don't have many opportunites.. this will be their opportunity to be cared for.. im really excited about this trip.. i still need to buy a lot of things for it though.. i need a camera.. haha.. and im going to buy a bunch of things to give to the kids and stuff.. and a lot of snacks.. they need to be introduced to oreos.. ive had random oreo cravings lately.. no but really.. oreos are uniquely great.. the oreos with the chocolate middle are really good.. first i was a little skeptical cause.. that's a lot of flavor of the choclately type.. but it is damn good.. maybe even almost as good as jis.. awwww i miss my jis.. jacque makes me feel.. i dunno.. things between us just feel.. right.. perfectly right.. i really can't explain it.. and i dont understand it.. and i know what some of you think.. i am aware of the.. emotional strife of two months ago.. and sometimes those feelings do come back and remind me that they were indeed there.. so i am fully aware how hurt i was.. so don't think that im letting how i felt be in vain.. and i dont ever want to feel that way again.. in some ways i have a little bit of a guard up.. in some ways i do feel like i should be protecting my heart more.. but i won't deny my love for her.. i cant deny how great this feels.. sometimes my head wants me to.. but my heart wont let this.. just.. genuinely right.. ridiculously good feeling.. be denied.. and go unnoticed.. i know i love her.. and i love that she loves me.. i can't stop smiling when we're spending time together.. even just talking about her.. thinking about her.. i feel her love.. always.. it's always with me.. and i love that.. and i like how i know people read this and i just.. keep talking.. about personal stuff.. oooops.. but now i know everyone is like.. what about joc?.. okay well.. never in my life have i really cared about feeling safe with someone.. or maybe i just never really noticed that safe feeling.. or experienced it.. until joc changed that.. for some reason.. well.. haha.. she knew how to play her cards.. i was in a vulnerable state.. and she sort of used that at an advantage.. not in a bad way.. but came in and re-entered my life in a way that she had to dare herself to.. because since we broke up.. the friendship line wasn't crossed.. even when either of us wanted to cross it.. but at that moment was when i realized that i feel safe with her.. joc is like.. a best friend.. that you could fall in love with over and over again.. i mean she was my first real love.. so my first memories of being in love are with joc.. we're just so comfortable with each other.. i watched saved by the bell this morning.. and it was the episode when kelly left zack for jeff.. sad couple of episodes.. ohhh.. im sad cause.. well.. i leave on the 30th.. and it doesn't sound like ill have many means of communication.. i wont have a permanent address.. or even semi-permanent.. very nomadic.. they want us to use pay phones.. meaning.. we have to go out of our way to find them.. they're probably as hard to find as the internet cafe that prof told me about.. it will be like being deserted.. kinda cool.. haha.. my mom wont be able to call every night.. hahaha.. yessss.. when i was in hawaii.. she'd call my nana's every night to check up on me.. but i always missed her.. ohh.. im also sad.. cause.. okay.. well.. my last day of school is the 29th.. i have finals from the 27-29.. i need to pack cause after my final final exam and oral labwork presentation ill be mooooving back to san diego.. oh thats gonna be a crazy couple of days.. i'll probably die.. ohh so kelly is going to be in san diego on the 29th.. concert at the del mar faire.. kat got us tickets.. but i wont be able to goooo.. it's sad really.. haha.. so.. it was my parents silver wedding anniversary today.. well.. yesterday.. the 17th.. but im not going to their celebration tomorrow.. or today.. sad huh?.. i was going to.. but im so behind with school related fun.. cause of my mini.. no im not going to call it a vacation.. my mini.. trip.. to hawaii last week.. yea im not even going to talk about it really.. cause ill be bitter.. but happy anniversary to my parents.. i love you both and congratulations.. 25 years of blissfull marriage is a difficult accomplishment these days.. and the love you two have is grade A+.. and ill be there for your golden fo shore.. haha but thats kinda sad huh?.. their only kid not attending their silver anniversary party.. should have made more kids.. more probability of a child representative that way.. haha awwww.. but im sorry i wont be there.. i'll probably regret that im not going.. hmmm.. maybe i should go.. about seven hour drive.. naaaaa.. so at the grocery store.. wait.. haha you know what.. i talk about the grocery store a lot.. i really do.. it's almost as if im there all the freakin time.. but i pretty much am.. but so this little girl was pulling on her moms ass.. and was like.. mommy.. i want bambaids.. blues clues bambaids.. and she was pointing to the band-aids.. haha.. i thought that was cute.. bambaids!

the end

alooooha oy

2005-06-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

im going to hawaii tomorrow.. ill be back tuesday.. im sick of things and i need to get away.. haha no im joking.. but that would funny huh? yea i thought so too

no that would suck..

but!

congrats to all you graduating seniors.. im extremely proud of you all =)

especially you joc.. cause well.. youve definitely worked your ass off these past couple of years.. because of the very add major change.. haha.. but.. you didnt think youd be able to graduate in four.. but i knew you would.. and now youre walking in about a week.. and.. and.. aaaand.. it's a beautiful thing.. youre all growed up.. you really are.. weird.. i knew you when you were a little baby frosh.. haha.. that is weird.. now youre all growed up.. and looking back on these past.. what?.. four years?.. youve turned into a pretty incredible woman.. good job.. haha

joc: OMG im done!

pav: oh yeaa.. last final today huh?.. im so proud of you.. congrats babe!
joc: i dont know what to do with my life anymore.
pav: do what you do beeest
joc: yah, i ate the last of the ice cream earlier.

hahaha.. bachelors degree at UCLA and she has ice cream eating champness to show for it.. niiice

hahaha.. oh bestie.. we do need to finish our marathon from 349325 weeks ago
bestie: have fun in hawaii, i hope everything is alright- and by the way im super jealous that the crisis takes you to HAWAII, everytime theres a crisis here, we stay in the kitchen.

the kitchen is a good place too

this was the last week of sections and office hours.. ill miss my chem kids.. it's really been a pleasure.. i appreciate the hard work they put in.. and it was nice that they showed up to section and office hours.. i definitely feel like my time was put to good use.. theres a review session on saturday.. i wont be able to be there.. held in the lecture room.. i dunno what time.. i suck.. but good luck on the final on tuesday.. and good luck with chem next quarter

thanks anna for watching el and vinnie for me.. please no killing

and thanks jacque for helping me pack.. i love my packing list.. and for the much needed jis.. ill miss you.. ill be sending the pink.. and wishing i was at your hawaii instead.. =) ehe.. holy shit

pav: baby my penguin pjs are dirty
jacque: aww
jacque: like...how dirty?
pav: i'll just sleep in my boxers
pav: haha youre gross
jacque: hahaha

alright kids.. i wont be on the mainland for a while.. be good while im gone.. ill miss yoooou

2005-06-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

haha.. well.. yes.. she got proof.. and i dont know how.. cause i only had that written on there for at the most 10 minutes.. shes good.. but yea.. anna won.. so im her bitch until friday

2005-06-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

hahahaha.. thanks anna.. that's great.. el's in his favorite corner of his bowl.. and that look on his face.. is like.. bitch.. get that camera out of my face.. aaand.. his friend is right there!.. by his mouth!

but! my tuesday likes are right here players! .. jacque and i did them together last night

so im proud of my chem kids.. for two reasons.. maybe more.. but first.. cause.. okay.. when the chem bitches.. haha.. thats what we're called.. haha.. anyways.. so when we graded the midterms this past week.. we played a game.. on their midterms they have to write their t.a.'s name and section day and time.. and so we found that a lot of the kids.. even after 7-8 weeks.. dont know their t.a.'s name.. so if the midterm had the section day and time on there.. but not the name.. cause they didnt know.. that t.a. got minus one point.. and for every midterm with first and last name of their t.a.. got plus one point.. and.. i won.. all my kids knew at least my first name.. so you made me look good in front of the other bitches.. thanks kids.. haha.. poor mike.. ended up in the negative arena..

hahaha okay so im doing this for jamie cause she asked me to.. oh and jamie.. youre funny.. congrats on being a girlfriend.. haha

10 things i don't think many people know about me

1. i was made and born in hawaii
2. when i was 14 i was nationally ranked for tennis as part of the usta
3. i was a big brother for a couple months.. my mom had a miscarriage
4. i played the trumpet.. and still play my guitar every now and then
5. i swallowed a whole live fish on accident during my 5th grade whale watching field trip
6. i worked at subway for two weeks.. well.. not really.. cause.. i didnt get paid.. haha.. some family friends opened one up and they needed "sandwich artists" pronto so i helped them out.. cause my parents made me.. kat did it too.. we had fun.. with sab too!.. ohhh memories
7. when i was a kid.. i wanted to be a firetruck
8. in the 3rd grade.. oh man.. we had some all school earth day assembly or something.. and in class we all had to make up a song for earth day.. so at the assembly.. the 3rd grade teachers asked students to go up and sing their song.. of course no one would do it.. but my teacher bribed me with a pack of starbursts.. so i did it.. it was lame
9. i was student council president in elementary school
10. during my 2nd year of undergrad college.. i was in a russian gang for about a month

my post-its take over my desktop

2005-05-28T01:15:00.000-07:00

it's funny when i leave my laptop somewhere.. and come back to find my post-its altered.. or new ones added.. but never deleted.. good job compadres

yea i just got home from a day of doinK vOrk.. it was good though.. got a lot done.. it's easy to work when jillian is around.. cause shes good at working and using time to work.. cause i get distracted easily

we got that new art piece put in the sculpture garden today i think.. i wanted to go see the unveiling.. i like the sculpture garden.. we're cool cause we have one

okay.. we sorta got distracted.. and watched half of some lifetime movie.. it was pretty lame.. this friend played a practical joke on his friends and they ended up killing him on accident.. i made it sound even lamer right there

haha.. today joc told me that one of her friends that i dont know added me to her buddy list and reads my away messages and complains to joc that my away messages are always the same.. and lack true substance.. she thinks im boring.. haha.. i wonder if she reads my blooog too

she also told me about how this "friend" is obsessed with her.. wants to do everything with her.. like.. if they go out and get lunch together.. she makes sure she's eating at the same pace joc is.. how freaky is that?

ooo.. kat just signed on.. she's almost going to switzerland i think.. whats cute though.. is she's really getting into the real estate thing.. she was never serious about it before.. just following her muddas footsteps until she was able to do her own thing.. but i think since theyve been overworking her.. that shes gotten to really fall in like with the business.. but kat's gone now and she says hi

my parents are actually down in san diego right now.. kat told me that the first thing my mom said to her when she saw her was.. you look so sexy!.. haha.. oh mudda

but the rents are going to be up here for sunday and memorial day.. then they leave for france from LAX on tuesday.. sooo i get to see the folks soon.. that should be fun.. crazy kids those two.. and by fun.. i mean interesting

oh so i was reading some interesting research that theyve been doing over in the biochem department i think it was.. it was about the effects of manmade chemicals on male babies.. chemicals found in.. lipstick.. and perfume and stuff.. called.. phthalanes.. anyways.. so they found that phthalanes.. i feel like im spelling that wrong.. but yea.. they have a negative effect in the formation of male sex organs.. like.. the cells during prenatal formation of.. sorry.. this must be boring.. ill stop.. haha.. booooo on meeee.. ill go to bed now.. niiight

tueday likes v.4

2005-05-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

ill make this quick cause.. ive gots lots of shit to do and i want it done by hmmm.. two.. okay that's impossible.. i'll say four.. yea.. seven hours.. thats good

i like lobster rolls
i like "swimming".. haha
i like getting my back scratched
i like getting my tummy rubbed
i like cracking peoples backs

hahaha.. poor el.. he's shitting right now.. and his shit is about three cm long so far.. he's constipated.. again

i like duck diving
i like not having to wear a wetsuit when i surf
i like witnessing heated debates between two strangers on campus
i like being hit by a cool breeze out of nowhere
i like pleasant dreams that make me smile in the morning.. then make me think.. what the fuck?!
i like those random dreams that make me think.. what the fuck?!
i like looking at things under the microscope
i like looking at random things i find slash pick off of people under a microscope
i like it when people have the goggle line out of the lab.. cause you know that theyve been labbing for hours.. and you laugh.. cause.. dude.. you suffer from goggle line too
i like saying "edited it".. haha.. say it.. it's funny.. makes you feel insane.. it's what i say after i've.. edited it.. haha
i like getting my cheek kissed.. it's a very simple.. friendly and loving gesture
i like krispy kreme donuts.. maybe too much
i like it when i look out my window before i sleep and see the moon and stars.. or at least stars
i like having someone to sing with during drives
i like wendy's nuggets with sweet n sour sauce
i like how when people have headphones on.. and you talk to them.. they talk really loudly and have no idea that they're pretty much yelling at you
i like how this random guy approached gizelle during lunch.. and was like.. heeey.. everyone seems to have an ipod nooow.. do you want to trade for a whiiile and listen to each others musiiic?.. haha.. he was talking like.. napoleon sorta.. hahaha..
i like that bestie is coming home today from her vacay.. i think.. and that we will get to be besties today and wuickie

i forgot how much i liked maroon 5

okay.. finito!.. ive still gotta go on my run.. haha it sucks.. i got into the whole running routine again.. i know it's not a bad thing.. but i feel.. not right when i dont go on my run.. like i really dont want to go run right now.. i just woke up and have a lot to do.. but i have to or i wont feel right.. catch 22 sort of thing almost.. maybe ill wait until it's almost 10 to go on my run.. so that i can run to diddys.. and buy cooookies

i like diddys ice cream sandwiches better than bj's pizookies.. you read that right kat.. damn straight

ash: i was just thinking about you yesterday
ash: lol
ash: i was looking at everyone's profile on yahoo..and i came across yours
pav: haha
ash: and i was like...awww..pavy's the sweetest guy EVER! no competition at all
pav: why?!
ash: idk
ash: you just are

haha.. thanks asher.. youre sweet

okay.. i have exactly one more month of school.. my t.a. time is almost over.. well.. all the ta's are holding a review session tonight for midterm 2 they are taking on thurs.. next week ive gotta quiz them.. im sure all of us.. as in the ta's.. are gonna hold another review session for the final.. and im sure ill hold a separate review session just for my sections.. and office hours on top of that.. okay.. so im not almost done.. but school sucks.. the cirriculum is really tough.. cause it's so.. specialized yet broad in subject area.. we are covering so much this block.. in depth.. of course i love it and think it's way interesting.. but.. just.. so much work.. and sometimes i dont feel like it's all necessary.. psychopharmacology.. yea.. what the fuck?!.. im not in pharmacy school.. it just seems too specialized.. maybe theyre trying to mold us.. cause they need more pharmacists.. haha.. i dunno.. im rethinking med school.. cause after im done here.. the road isn't close to being over.. this family friend of ours.. nicole.. shes going to be a senior at cornell this year.. she gave me a call and asked me about med school and stuff.. cause she's considering it.. along with going through the p.a. program.. so i told her to talk to someone that went through the p.a. program first.. then to me.. cause i wanted to know that the p.a. person said.. and yea.. she's leaning towards being a p.a. instead.. if i were in her shoes.. i would have done exactly that.. aahhh life

we're planning a trip down to mehico to eat our little hearts out.. seafood and taaaacos.. mmmmm.. muy biieeen

jacque and i talked last night.. one of the better conversations we've had in a while.. piled things onto the table.. but it was good.. we laughed.. bottled up some pis.. got pis?.. haha.. pis on a shit.. back to shit.. always back to shit.. but i realized something.. and im really proud of her for it.. she was talking about doing things on her own.. finding the silver lining on her own.. even if it's easier if i just point it out with her.. but she wants to do it on her own.. she wants to be her own clutch.. and that takes balls.. and im glad that she's realized that she can do that.. i think she'll be better off.. cause it means much more when you search within yourself.. even if it's 100 times tougher sometimes.. you know?.. and i think people need to be able to rely on themselves for that kind of stuff.. im really a firm believer in self strength.. as strong of a support system you have.. in the end.. that support system might not be there.. and youre only as strong as your self.. but it was just.. weird in a cool way.. cause she was sounding like me.. haha.. but despite that.. by the end of the night.. she still let me give her a pis or three.. so that was good.. she still accepted my pis.. haha.. hi jacque

okay.. that post ended up to be way longer than i expected.. oh.. so im watching the french open.. and im jealous cause my parents are going next week.. they were just in cyprus in feb.. theyre not even old yet.. imagine when theyre old and have lots of free time on their hands.. theyre gonna be like.. ohh.. when theyre old.. my dad wants to drive around the us.. in the rv.. forever.. hahaha.. my mom will hate it.. she complained to me yesterday that my dad doesnt like to play scrabble.. i was like.. then why did you marry him?.. hahaha.. then i told her thats why she has maven.. oh maven

told you id get my music back

2005-05-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

it's pretty random though.. so thats why you can choose what you wanna listen to..

haha.. like.. kelly.. i luurrrve kelly.. im a fan.. haha.. she was here on thursday i think.. some friends went to her concert and got to meet her backstage.. why didnt they bring me along?.. yup.. theyre mean.. my thoughts exactly.. party foul for you ladies.. haha

greenday is on there so that bestie will be happy and wont question my greenday fan-ness \m/

luuuda!.. cause after sungod.. im a fan.. and when he sang this song.. it was funny.. cause.. he made the girls sing with him.. so all the chics were like.. fuuuckk meee.. i even saw jessica.. the mormon.. singing along.. hahaha

jumpin jumpin.. cause.. this is one of many destinys child songs that i sing when im drunk

okay.. ill be back tomorrow

i miss my music

2005-05-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

it's gone.. but ill get it back.. dont you fret.. hmmm.. what song has fret in it?.. i feel like.. theres a song with fret in it.. hahaha.. i 'memberrrr

ive got no strings
to hold me down
to make me fret
or make me frown
i had strings
but now im free
ive got no strings on me

ive seen some of my friends blogs and they go crazy with the color and size and font options.. it looks neat.. but.. im too lazy for that shit.. so sorry kids.. you all are gonna have to live with my ordinary font and color and stuff.. but i did make fret red.. notice that?

i have a scar on my middle finger from when i cut my dad's hair once and i.. cut my finger.. haha.. i also have another scar on my left thigh.. from this one time i went surfing.. about.. six or seven years ago.. and yea.. my skeg cut open my thigh.. and the cut was really deep.. im sure i lost a good amount of blood.. i didnt get stitches.. nor get it checked.. haha.. and i totally forgot about that scar.. cause i dont really see it everyday.. but it's ugly.. but not as ugly as the scar on my heart.. haha.. just kidding

so today was the first day in like.. a month.. that someone expressed their disappointment in me.. for the fact that i still talk to jacque.. i understand why she doesnt think i should talk to her anymore.. but.. well.. for one thing.. im not like that.. i dont leave aaanyone hanging.. especially someone that i do care about.. and you all know that.. but seriously thats just my character.. you leave me a message.. i will respond.. you stab me in the back.. id still help you up when you fall.. im just like that.. and contrary to what she thinks.. im not hurt.. talking to jacque doesn't hurt me.. im over it.. completely.. and my friend asked me how i could fall out of love.. and it's simple.. she's not mine to be in love with.. there's no point in holding onto something that's not yours.. if it's not in the cards.. it's not in the cards.. i do miss her sometimes.. we never talk anymore.. it's just a huge ass shift going from.. 120 mph to 3.. or like.. from.. talking everyday for six hours.. to.. talking six times for ten minutes in the past month.. from being above the zenith so in love.. to.. being distant distant friends.. but yea.. it's just.. really different.. but i like that we're still friends.. or at least distant friends i guess.. it is different.. but it's better than not talking to her at all.. i do care about her.. and just want her to be happy.. and im a big boy.. i know how to protect my heart.. i know what i can handle.. sometimes im not sure if she wants to talk to me though.. for whatever reasons.. and thats okay too.. whatever she needs to do

but yea.. the mystery trip was really fun.. i learned that i kick ass at go-karts and laser tag.. i came in first place for two out of three rounds of laser tagging.. first place out of 41 people.. id always get all the bases.. and shoot each person on the other teams at least twice.. and i was only four seconds off from the all time track record at the go kart place.. i also learned that joc is freakin good at go karts too.. pretty impressive.. and that jason sucks.. haha.. oh.. and i also learned.. that.. if youre playing hockey.. and you bump up against a girl.. or knock her stick a couple times.. she thinks you want her.. but thats cool.. she tried to handle my stick a couple of times.. but failed and fell on her ass.. a lot

okay i dont know what im rambling on about anymore.. ohhh.. haha.. so im having lunch with gizelle tomorrow.. that will be exciting.. i talked to her today.. and she said the funniest thing today.. but im not going to repeat it.. when i need blackmail against her i will

oh gross.. so joc was over.. and she's in my bathroom.. and i hear her calling out my name frantically.. and i know shes just being weird.. so i take a while to get over there.. and im like.. yeessss babe?.. haha.. and shes freaking out cause she started her period and needs a tampon.. so she has me go on a tampon hunt.. but before i did.. i was like.. i need to pee so open the door.. and she was like.. but im leaking i cant get off the toilet!.. and i was like dude.. stuff some toilet paper there for a while and get up real quickly so i can pee.. it'll take five seconds!.. so she did.. and didnt flush the toilet.. and when i saw the toilet.. my eyes got huuuge.. it was.. red!.. deep red.. like.. red red.. and.. yea.. there were.. anyways.. it looked like something died in there.. yea.. women are gross

ive learned that life takes some hard right turns sometimes.. but it's not a journey without them.. so while youre trying to keep up.. look outside your window.. cause those hard right turns sometimes lead you to the most scenic of views

eeeee.. eehhhh

2005-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

HEEHHHHHHH

i feel like i havent rambled for a while.. maybe i dont remember.. oh but dude.. okay.. so.. i have been on top of the whole reality television thing.. okay i dont even watch survivor.. but kimmy is a survivor slash amazing race fan.. and i watched the first episode and only the first episode of survivor.. and she wanted me to bet with her and her friends.. and guess who i picked?.. and guess who ended up winning?.. and guess who is 80 bucks richer now?.. the answers are.. the fireman.. the fireman.. and pavle!.. haha.. so i took the guys out for dinner tonight.. so im not 80 bucks richer anymore.. but!.. first uchenna and joyce.. and now the fireman.. oh and the apprentice.. my first choice was audrey.. but after she got fired.. my money has been on kendra.. especially after she made that car brochure all on her own.. sooo i think shes gonna win.. we'll see.. but i probably wont get to watch it.. someone should tivo it for me

im not really a reality tv freak.. i swear.. haha.. but it definitely seems like it right now huh?

oh.. so kat told me that aloha taylor is leaving kfmb channel 8 news in san diego.. to move to minnesota!.. for her husband.. cause his job is there.. and his family i think.. but dude!.. aloha!.. going to minnesota?!?!.. that makes me sad.. minnesota over san diego.. is sad.. yes i realize minnesota is a state.. and im comparing a state to a city.. but.. san diego rocks that much more.. haha.. sorry you minnesota fans.. but san diego rocks over your state.. but aloha.. you are my favorite weatherwoman

so joc thinks she needs to diet.. and has been doing the south beach diet for about a week and a half.. okay.. you all know joc.. well.. not the strangers that read this.. but.. shes got a hot body agree?.. yes.. well.. shes lost 7 pounds.. and she almost passed out this morning.. sooo i made her eat some caaarbs.. but no pav.. im still in phase 1!.. i dont care joc!.. haha.. but yea.. thats pretty amazing.. she lost 7 pounds.. i didnt think she had anything to lose.. she only almost passed out cause she didnt eat dinner last night cause she was stuDYING.. but so yea.. if you wanna lose weight.. go on the south beach.. she exercises for at least 30 minutes a day too.. so you cant be lazy about that.. why am i advocating diets?.. im not.. no but dude.. okay.. people ahem chics.. are always complaining about their weight.. all you gots to do.. is eat healthy portions.. not so much junk food.. and exercise.. exercise makes you feel good anyways.. so just do it.. im promoting exercise.. yes.. everyone should exercise.. it's a good thing

oh but back to the diet thing.. i did it for a week with her.. to be supportive.. then she told me not to do it anymore cause i need my carbs.. but anyways.. so we went to in n out.. and well i ordered the protein double double for her.. you know.. protein style.. no bun.. they wrap it in lettuce.. so i got a triple triple protein style too.. cause i didnt wanna be mean and eat the mmmmmm buns in front of her.. but yea.. it was surprisingly really good!.. it really was.. id get it again.. so try in n out.. protein style

haha.. so during section today.. i was erasing the chalkboard and i hear these girls laughing.. and i turn around and im like whaaa?!.. why you chics laughing?!.. and they were like.. you shake your butt when youre wiping the board!.. freeeaks!.. theyre not supposed to be looking at my ass.. but they have another midterm next week.. which has nothing to do with looking at my ass.. but i cant believe it's already week seven.. this quarter is going by too quickly.. im gonna miss them.. none of them better fail.. but i do have a couple kids that have failed both my quizzes.. oooops!

okay.. back to stuDYING myself.. ive got an exam and a quiz to dominaaate within the next 38 hours.. whoa.. thats not that much time.. eeeeee.. eehhhh.. HEEHHHHHH

tuesday likes v.3

2005-05-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

i liiiike it.. i liiike it so much

i like that im up bright and early so that i can hopefully do everything that i need to do
i like the whole concert experience.. from getting puked on.. to getting a good arm and pectoral work out.. to being deaf afterwards
i like string cheese and it's stringy way
i like being efficient
i like the waaaaay you mooove.. do doo doooooo
i like a good pen.. you know.. the ones that just gliiiide on the paper sooo nicely
i like it when people draw me pictures
i like getting IMed first.. haha
i like labbing for four point five hours straight and still being able to have a good time
i like being asked ridiculous questions by my chem kids
i like it when they want me to draw out all the resonance forms of a certain molecule and i just say.. naaaa and laugh at them for trying to waste my time and tell them to look in the book
i like.. but actually love.. the ocean
i like this joke:

why did the cinnamon roll?

because it saw the apple turnover!

okay.. im adding more likes.. cause i can't wait until next tuesday

i like that one wendy's commercial where.. theyre all eating a salad.. and theyre like.. how's your salad?.. and each person makes a weird noise.. like.. eeeee... eehhhhh.. ahhahaha.. someone should definitely go.. HEEHHHH
i like white choco macadamia nut pizoookies
i like drunken conversations
i like drunken singing of destiny's child hits
i like nutella.. and how i play pranks on people with it.. hahaha.. sorry joc.. she was my first victim
i like it when people cook me dinner
i like pineapple!
i like that jamie likes the way i move.. hahaha
i like that uchenna and joyce won last week!

hahahahha..
X solo gigolos X: hahaha.. do you know what nutella is?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: YES
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: and i love it
X solo gigolos X: mmm me toooooo
X solo gigolos X: hahahha.
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: mmm
X solo gigolos X: wanna hear my story?
X solo gigolos X: hahahaha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: yes
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: did you put nutella on wolvie
X solo gigolos X: hahaha
X solo gigolos X: what?!?!
X solo gigolos X: hyahahahhahaaa
X solo gigolos X: oh man
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: aaahahaaaaha

oooookay bestie

2005-05-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

torrey pines.. and a train choo chooing by

california looove

2005-05-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

holy shit im sore.. oops it's sunday.. i shouldnt say that.. but yea im sore.. but friday and saturday were amazing.. sun god was.. awesome.. jamie and me and her friends had a freakin crazy ass time.. but good times fo sho.. all of the performers were pretty good.. luda was great.. haha.. mooove biiitch.. get out the waay!.. funny story behind that.. but im so excited that i'll be in san diego this summer.. being in my house.. and sleeping in my bed for two nights was mmmmmm.. sleeping with the balcony doors open.. listening to the waves.. aahhh i missed that sooo much.. i was out back for most of the day yesterday.. surfing.. sleeping in the sun.. talking to kat.. then when the sun was setting i went in without my board and just.. let the waves break over me.. pound on me.. and.. it felt so good.. just me against the ocean..

kat has this huge chalkboard in her room.. and ever since we were young she would have something interesting drawn or written or taped on it.. i didnt think she would keep it up now that shes.. old.. er.. haha.. so i was like.. ooo.. i wanna see your chalkboard!.. so we go across the street to her parents place.. and this is what i see written:

If you’re ever lying on a beach with
80 billion grains of sand beneath you,
700 thousand ocean waves before you,
60 million stars stretched out above you,
and you’re still not at all impressed,
I want you to think about this:
The light you see reflecting from the stars is over one million years old.
WOW.
But then, just before you start to feel like a mere blip
In the gigantic scheme of things, please remember this:
Yes, you are small, but you’re also irreplaceable
And invaluable
And miraculous.
Those stars don’t have anything on you.

- Mark D. Sanders and Tia Sillers

actually.. what kat has written is shortened a little.. cause she was lazy im guessing.. but i copy slash pasted this from a website cause i didnt wanna type the version that i wrote out when i copied what was written on her thing.. cause im lazy too.. haha anyways.. yea.. it's a great quote and i just wanted to share it

that's pretty much it.. ive got a hectic month ahead of me.. so im definitely looking forward to the summer.. but come to think about it.. my summer isn't going to be cake either.. so i dont know why im looking forward to the summer so much other than the moving back to san diego factor..

ohhhh.. happy belated birthday to gizelle.. one of the.. if not the coolest chic i know.. no.. you are the coolest chic i know.. but happy birthday babe.. and you still need to tell me all about it.. we'll just save it for lunch conversation.. cause you are coming back to l.a. in what?.. about a week?.. niiice.. lucky betch.. but.. then we can help each other figure out our lives.. and maybe even rely on plan b. or was it c. ? i forget.. but haha.. we should visit tommy fo sho.. he told me that he misses you and the way you caressed him

i forgot to take pictures of san diego for bestie.. the biggest cali fan out there.. so i told kat to take some on her way home from work.. and they turned out really nice.. so im gonna share them.. im in a sharing kinda mood huh?.. but these are pics of torrey pines.. and not del mar.. cmon kat.. del mar is better.. geez.. haha

okay.. ive been trying to put the pics here.. but i dont know how.. and i dont want them above like that one is right now.. i want them down heeere.. ill figure it out later.. im off to bed

dude!

2005-05-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

i just saved a birds life!

no freakin joke.. as i was typing the other post.. i heard this.. THUD!.. and i was like.. ooo i bet a bird flew into a window.. and so i checked the windows.. and a bird did!.. it was lying there.. on it's.. back.. feet up in the air.. eyes closed.. but i saw that it was still breathing.. so i decided to shock it and pour ice cold water on it.. and when i did it got up.. but it couldnt move really.. her leg was all retarded.. but it didnt look broken.. just.. in the wrong spot.. you know when you sometimes do that to your leg?.. and you have to force yourself to straighten it out even if it will hurt like a bitch?.. yea well.. i was like.. okay bird.. youre going to do that.. so i startled it again and it flew for a little then dropped.. then it got up and flew away fo sho!.. i was so proud =)

and the pros outweigh the cons

2005-05-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

soooo im going to san diego.. final answer.. haha.. ooo.. friday the 13th.. ooooOOOoooOoo.. driving.. on a friday the 13th?!.. HEEHHHH?!.. haha.. no.. jamie's driving.. and we are going to party at sun god with the rest of the ooksders.. it should be a lot of fun.. the concert should be really good too.. and i get to see kat.. probably on sat.. how about that?!.. haha.. rat a tat tat.. soo.. you kids have a great weekend.. be safe.. westwooood out.. imitate!

2005-05-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

good one bestie

:::::L:A:S:T:::::

::Gum you chewed:: half a stick of green orbit
::Thing you broke:: the stick of green orbit.. in half
::CD you purchased:: which i bought after i bought the green orbit.. no im joking.. umm.. wow.. ohh.. i bought the cd that those people that sang existentialism on prom night put out
::Time you ate chinese food:: saturday.. no.. monday.. i had panda for lunch
::Time you felt the butterflies in your stomach:: hmm..
::Hand you Held:: jillians.. we held hands and skipped around in the parking lot like maniacs that were stuck in the lab for way too long
::Cartoon you watched:: spongebob
::Present you got someone:: it's gizelle's birthday soon.. i can't tell you what i sent her cause she reads this.. but she'll like it a lot
::Person you kissed:: hmmm.. your mom?.. no.. joc on the cheek
::Meal you ate:: for dinner.. jillian and i ordered a pizza
::Time you cried:: hmm.. almost a month ago
::Time you got lost driving:: dude!.. i dont get lost either.. i think it's impossible really.. well i see how it's possible.. but ive never gotten lost.. i guess it's how you look at things.. you could be lost.. or you could be going on a scenic adventure
::Tree you climbed:: haha.. umm.. i dont remember
::Movie you watched:: valentin.. watch it
::Place you drove:: home
::Party you went to:: psshhh.. every day in the lab is a party
::Heartbreak:: about a month ago
::Reason to smile:: thinking about the many reasons i have to smile
::Reason to worry:: die schule ist zehr shweir
::Time you laughed until your stomach hurt:: hahaha.. last night.. jillians a boron.. yea.. after the 5th hour of straight labbing.. you get kinda crazy
::Time you ate chocolate:: couple nights ago
::Animal you pet:: not my fish.. umm.. ohh.. honey.. ray's dog
::Time you ate popcorn at the movies:: looong ago
::Time you did something nice for someone else:: when i got home last night after a long day of labbing.. because she begged me to.. i thoroughly read and made anna's 20 page paper bleeeeeeeeed.. haha.. no it was really good
::Television show watched:: the amazing race!.. uchenna and joyce!.. HEEHHHHHH
::Shoe lace you tied:: wow.. i dont ever wear shoes anymore.. probably zoe's
::Away message you used::
slightly cranky and muy tired.. going to bed

suzette.. you were ruthless today.. so i trashed your.. dont you dare trash this note.. note..
sucker! >:o

hahaaaa :-)

:::::F:I:R:S:T:S::::::

::Bike you had:: all i remember.. was it was black and grey and had an orange flag
::Person you kissed:: kiss kissed?.. lindsey
::Car you drove:: my moms silver beemer
::Person You Took To A Dance:: ooo.. hmm.. 6th grade dance.. mathilde.. no.. that was 7th grade dance.. i went stag in 6th grade
::Bone you broke:: i havent broken a bone eiiither bestie!
::CD you bought:: hmm.. i dont remember.. i know it was rap though.. and had one of those.. parent advisory warnings on it.. haha.. my mom wasn't happy.. i wanna say coolio
::Time you broke someone's heart:: about a year ago
::Time someone broke your heart:: about a month ago
::School you went to:: psshhh.. school of hard knocks fo sho
::Word you said:: i have no idea
::Pet you had:: ive never had real pets.. sad huh?.. haha that is sad.. and now i have a goldfish and a venus flytrap.. no but i did have a bunny.. for a couple days.. then it ran away.. oh no that wasnt the first bunny.. i had an albino bunny too.. but it would shed like crazy and my mom couldnt stand it so we had to give it away
::Date:: lindsey.. we went to the malibu grand prix and went go kart racing and played in the arcade.. not very romantical huh?.. ooops.. dont worry.. im better now
::"Time":: haha.. psshh.. which first time?!.. regenerated!.. hahaha.. ummm.. i was a junior in high school.. it was with my girlfriend at the time.. at her place.. and we didnt get caught.. that time
::Thing you did this morning:: checked on the dos
::Number in your cell phone:: i dont haaave a cell phone.. but the first number written on my whiteboard is haha.. papa johns pizza
::Book you read for fun:: probably the five people you meet in heaven.. but yea.. funny how things get recycled.. kinda like.. re-using a song with someone else
::Person you had a crush on:: had?.. meaning.. i dont have a crush on them anymore?.. umm.. i still have a crush on natalie portman

:::::F:R:I:E:N:D:S:::::
::Loudest:: samantha.. shes great.. hahaha.. ostriiich
::Hottest:: this is tough.. there are different categories of hotness.. ive got it all together so im just sexy hot - jillian.. im hot alone but dude i have a hot twin so im even hotter because of that - yesenia and brisenia.. all american girl hot -christina.. asian hot - alison.. latin hot - jamie.. mutt hot - joc.. my smile will make you melt alone im so hot - kaci.. im just hot period. - tiele
::Funniest:: autumn.. i love her humor.. emily too.. when she's drunk.. chris is pretty hilarious too.. and jason
::Quietest:: i know that lauren is way quiet when she's not around me.. but she says i bring out the loud in her.. hahah
::Nicest:: ive gots lots of nice friends.. but hmm.. gizelle.. she's nice to everyone
::Smartest:: suzette.. she's gonna be a freakin brain surgeon
::Most Outgoing:: omar
::Most Sarcastic:: haha.. katy
::Most Random:: hmm.. we all have our moments
::Most Laid Back:: travis
::Most Likely To Get Married First:: this doesnt really apply cause some of my friends are already married.. mike got married first.. and he's getting a divorce.. so.. next marriage.. hmm.. tonya and her man.. cause theyre engaged
::Most Likely To Get Divorced First:: see above.. but other than mike.. hmm.. haha.. amy
::Most Likely To Be Sucessful:: nicole.. cause shes just.. awesome.. knows business like no other.. and will go far.. if she doesnt let issues with the boy bog her down.. i never liked him.. girls are weird.. youre weird nicole.. dump him.. actually.. and i think kim will be pretty successful.. shes a hard worker and a great person
::You Never Get Sick Of:: any of the guys
::Who Gives The Best Hugs:: who gave me that really big bear hug the other night?.. one of the guys.. haha.. ohh.. it was jacob.. haha.. i enjoyed it bro.. hahaha good job
::Who Gives The Best Kisses:: i wouldnt know.. i havent kissed all of them
::You Miss:: kat-astrophe
::You Have The Most In Common With:: john
::You Would Do Anything For:: i dont know about aaanything.. but almost anything.. any and all of them
::You Trust With Your Life:: any and all of them.. but i wouldnt put that burden on them.. who'd want to be trusted with someone else's life?.. thats just ridiculous.. some people cant even trust themselves with their own life
::You Miss Because They Are Not Around Anymore:: brett.. rest in peace bro.. we all miss you.. see you when i get there
::You Do Not Think You'll Be Friends 5 Years From Now:: whoever turns into a stranger.. it's tough to keep in touch sometimes.. but if you think it's really worth it.. that effort has gots to be made.. on both sides
::You Are The Complete Opposite Of:: anson.. or well even mooore completely opposite of cause shes a girl.. tammie

tuesday likes! v.2

2005-05-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

so.. the point of doing a tuesday likes.. thing.. is to take time out and reflect on what makes you happy.. cause too often we put a heavier weight on the bad stuff.. and the good is forgotten.. so yes.. you should do it too.. it's good shit

i liiike it.. i liiike it sooooooooo muccchhhhhhh

i like the different ways people butcher my name out of love
i like how when youre at disneyland you learn how to say.. please remain seated.. in spanish.. pierebe poromoas cienta por favor.. or something like that
i like this
i like sleeping in my warm bed
i like having conversation with strangers
i like watching artists do their thang
i like working out until my shirt is completely soaked with sweat
i like the way jamie says nicaragua
i like watching my fish swim around like a spaz

okay okay.. it is now 11:32 in the pm.. and i am finally continuing this list.. cause i wanted to post it before it's wednesday.. and i was going to continue with a lot more likes.. but.. i have the ultimate like..

i like how the good guys came out on tooooop!

uchenna and joyce!.. the amazing race winners.. hollllaaaaaa!.. man.. that was such a great episode.. season!.. but freakin.. dude.. yessssss!.. yesssssssss.. that was soooo great.. they were behind for the whole freakin last leg.. having to beg for money.. man.. but they never gave up.. kept on truckin.. strong!.. that's CHOICE.. haha.. im using CHOICE wrong.. sorry bestie.. no maybe not.. im not sure!.. but that was clutch.. im so happy they won.. and even if they ended up not winning.. they would be the group that got the most out of the experience.. every place they went.. they took it all in and really appreciated their surroundings.. so props to uchenna and joyce!.. you two freakin rock.. i hope they will be able to conceive a child.. and im giving myself props.. cause i called it on day one.. im actually really impressed that i called it on day one.. something about how they smiled during the intro or something.. i dont know why i chose them.. but i did!.. wow im so happy.. that was.. an amazing race.. haha.. yup.. im corny.. ohhh and

i like how the girls were crying sooo much when uchenna and joyce won.. haha

yes yes.. happy tears.. i know

happy mother's day!

2005-05-08T09:12:00.000-07:00

yay for the m-a-m-a s out there! especially the b-a-b-y m-a-m-a cause ive got love for all the baby mamas.. haha..

but for jose-phine.. pronounced.. hose-ay feen.. aka.. my mudda

i love you.. and youll always be the best woman in my life.. well.. until i get married.. hahah.. well thats true right?!.. and you wont probably ever see this so i could fill this with lots of embarassing things about you.. but i probably wont.. oh and shires thinks youre hot.. scott.. youre gross.. hmmm what else?.. i realize now how big of a sacrifice you made to raise me when i was younger.. giving up your career is.. to a lot of people.. crazy.. things have just fallen into place.. then accident pav came along.. hahaha.. and dad didnt want me raised by strangers.. so you gave up your career.. yea thats intense.. all that school.. effort.. work that went into getting where you were.. i can imagine.. cause im doing the same thing.. but very selfless decision on your part mom.. and i know i wouldnt be the same person i am today if it wasnt for that sacrifice alone.. so thank you.. those were some good times back in the day huh?.. haha.. but damn.. i dont think i put this in her real card.. boooo.. but the card was still good.. and the scrapbook.. hahah.. yup.. pav made a scrapbook.. well joc helped me.. thanks joc.. okay joc did a lot.. most.. of it.. i wrote the captions!.. and psshh.. the captions made the scrapbook.. but anyways.. i love you mom.. youre an awesome woman.. i wouldnt be able to praise you enough

"Just remember that your heart is your lifeline. Your brain can be dead, and your heart still pumping, but never the other way around" - the mom

dude i wanted to post about disneyland and stuff but i ended up chatttttting and aahhhh i have to do work now.. so i will post later

The dying man will scoff and scorn at this.

2005-05-06T20:07:00.000-07:00

- sylvia plath

yup.. a couple of you were on to that.. good job.. for the rest of you.. the four most recent posts.. the titles are the last verse of the poem.. angela has this.. book of poetry.. well.. it's a journal.. but she writes other peoples poems in it.. and i was looking through it.. a lot of plath.. this was one of them.. interesting character

fuck.. im sad that i didnt post on the coolest cinco de mayo in history.. 05/05/05

so i will sing.. aaayyeeee aayyyeee ayye aaayyyyye.. rapidoooosss bassuuura anooochheeee.. boonittaa conmigggoo con chuuurrooo.. te quiierrro el loooco sieestaaaa

that's pretty much all my spanish vocabulary

but yea.. so five is my unlucky number.. it just has been.. then i saw that one movie.. the one with naaatalie.. where shes knocked up and gives birth at wal-mart.. a super wal-mart?.. ooo.. i dunno.. and five is her unlucky number too!.. so i was like dude.. natalie and i have a deep connection man.. haha

but nothing bad happened yesterday.. well.. okay.. yea.. but it could have been worse.. moral of the story.. when in south central.. even if a dude almost crashes into you cause he's being a dumbass.. and even if you were thaaat close to getting into yet another accident and are pissed off as hell.. don't flip him off.. especially if there are other guys in the car.. all with shaved heads.. and wifebeaters.. cause.. yea.. theyre in a gang.. and will waaatch you.. and shoot at you

or maybe jillian is just bad luck.. hahah.. you suck

oh and joc broke el's home and almost killed his friend

anything else?.. hmmm.. nope.. i dont think so.. so not too bad.. oh wait.. tequila-ing.. but everything that went down.. haha.. blaming it on tequila.. not the date factor

but im so excited for gisneyland tomorrow.. im planning out our schedule.. cause we are watching all the shows.. and riding all the rides.. or as many rides as we can in the alloted.. ride the rides time.. ive never done disneyland with a planned out schedule like this.. so hopefully it will all be grand.. and i get a kiss from jasmine.. hahah.. or belle.. but yea.. space mountain is closed.. how sad is that?.. i have a good space mountain story from when i was a kid.. hahah.. but im not going there.. hahha.. only kat knows.. and my parents.. and her parents.. and her sister.. thats enough.. i think thats all that knows.. i hope

so the majority of the group is not feeling the funky hat idea.. they say that the hats will get in the way of the experience.. bull.. hahah.. so we're going to wear shirts with funky sayings on them.. okay actually.. hmm.. bad idea.. all of the sayings are inappropriate for the disneyland audience.. haha.. yea.. like.. SEX. do it for the kids.

this is the most excited ive been for disneyland.. how old am i again?

So never try to trick me with a kiss

2005-05-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

i dont think any of you are on to what im doing.. bwahahaha

haha

geez im blogging again.. i should be doing work.. you know the bug bites i have from letting the mosquitos suck my blood?.. yea.. two of them turned into bruises.. weird

i got scared that the mosquitos would go in el's bowl and suck his blood too.. so i put a cover over it at night

so my fish is growing.. which is due to his bigger home.. i think i wanna put him back in the small bowl for a while and maybe he'll shrink back.. yea.. report me to animal cruelty.. but he's only been in here for.. about two weeks.. and he's grown so much!.. but he's still the same el.. funny fish.. so he has a huge plant friend now.. and theres this little snail that came attached to the plant.. i havent named her yet.. i just refer to her as el's friend.. haha.. so yea.. el isn't too nice to his friend.. she'd suction herself up a stem.. or however they move.. crawl?.. i dunno.. suction.. then el would suck her up and spit her out onto the gravel.. hahahaha.. sad huh?.. hahaha.. hahahhaaha.. so she's never in the same spot whenever i check up on them.. and yea.. he's gotten really good at playing dead.. freaks the shit outta me in the mornings.. but im getting used to it.. it's gonna be like crying wolf.. the day he is dead.. im not gonna notice cause ill think he's playing.. then ill realize he's not and ill be sad.. oh and i think he's really confused about his identity.. he acts like a dog see.. like the whole playing dead thing.. but he sometimes swims vertically like a dolphin.. you know.. like in dolphin shows.. yea i noticed i talk too much.. no but he's pretty funny.. i like him a lot.. he is my friend.. but he seriously got big.. he should stop growing

yea i dont really like milk anymore.. once you look at it under a microscope.. you dont want to drink it.. it's a heterogeneous mixture.. of mainly water and fat.. you definitely see the fat globules surrounded by mainly water.. and thats milk.. water with fat globules.. mmmm

okay im switching gears.. bestie requested that i do what she did on her bloog.. so here i go

i like it.. i like it sooo muuuch

i like it when bestie randomly sings yeti yeti yeti yeeettiiii
i like it when i catch the backyardigans on tv
i like grocery shopping with someone
i like it when youre nice on the road and let someone merge in front of you or something and they lift up their hand in thanks
i like the fact that a bunch of my friends are taking the time to spend saturday together at gisneyland
i like my new.. i french kissed kelly kapowski.. shirt.. hahah.. thanks joc
i like being done with all my work.. even though it never really ends.. i pretend
i like that my chem sections overall had a higher average on the midterm than the midterm average of all the other sections combined.. booya!
i like it when i catch up with a friend i havent talked to in a while
i like nature valley granola bars.. the green kind
i like this one tv show.. haha.. it's these old people doing exercises.. and theres this one lady who cant stand up.. and she does all the exercises sitting in her chair even if she looks ridiculously funny.. thats determination man!.. hahahahha
i like the amazing race.. a lot.. my thoughts on it later
i like having a reason to smile
i like having someone in my passenger seat to talk to while i drive
i like that bestie and i are going to do an i like list every tuesday
i like how i started and ended with a bestie comment.. she must feel special.. hahah

okay.. so amazing race.. i have been watching from the beginning.. and on the very first day.. my prediction was uchenna and joyce.. and im impressed that they are still in.. damn im good.. im really impressed with gretchen and meredith too.. but i really want uchenna and joyce to win.. because they are the best team.. see.. with rob and amber.. and.. ron and kelly.. the men are definitely the ones doing all the work.. they are not teams.. but with uchenna and joyce.. same with gretchen and meredith.. they work as a team.. and theyre not mean to the other teams.. rob and amber and ron and kelly talk smack about the other teams.. and they dont care about the other teams.. for example.. when brian and greg were flipped over on the side of the road.. rob and amber didnt even stop to make sure they were okay.. all of the other teams did.. and uchenna and joyce are good people.. it tonights episode i think they help out meredith and gretchen with a task because they are old and cant lift heavy things.. so i hope uchenna and joyce win.. because good guys should prevail.. right?

yea im starting to think that's not true.. cause.. well.. im not a bad guy right?

anyways.. so uchenna and joyce better win so that ill have faith in the whole good guys prevailing thing.. good things happen to good people.. and so forth and so on.. even on the inferno.. the bad asses are ahead.. what is with that?!.. okay.. the outcome of those two shows will determine my outlook on good vs evil.. and which side comes out on top

The singing birds pack up and fly away

2005-05-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

soooo it's way early in the morning and i am blooging.. haha.. freakin i woke up at 7:30 in the am today.. cause i kinda fell asleep super early.. like.. eleven.. on my books.. drooled on them.. it was sucky prying my face off of the page in the middle of the night.. but it was good sleep.. viva

i might actually get all my work done on time.. no i will.. not might.. i will.. sexy stuff fo sho

haha.. i feel all proud that i can say that im gonna have my work done.. imagine how i'll feel when im actually done.. haha.. im such a boron..

gosh.. no luck for churros.. i looove churros.. but ehh.. we found the kinds where you heat up in the microwave.. theyre good.. but no.. not good enough.. i know el pollo loco sells churros.. but they have baby churros.. i know i can buy lots of baby churros.. but i want the big m-a-m-a churro.. might have to go to disneyland just for the churros.. and for the disneyland.. that would be fun actually.. who wants to take a disneyland trip?!.. no dude seriously.. for mothers day.. may 7th.. let's go to disneyland!.. i have connections.. i can get the tickets for cheap if not free.. so let me know if youre down.. ooo this will be fun.. ohhh.. you undergrads have midterms and stuff probably huh?.. awwww.. sucks for yooou.. i say come anyways.. cause it's disneyland!.. the happiest place on earth foooools.. and let's wear funky hats.. cause.. really.. if youre going to disneyland.. why not wear funky hats?!.. hahah.. jamaican me craaazy

you know what slash who else makes me crazy?.. kat.. all kats.. but in this instance.. kathleen.. becaaause.. she is going to switzerland with that man she met in tj.. shes going back home with him when he has to go home because of an expired visa im guessing.. he's only in san diego for the quarter there at ucsd.. same with his sister.. and shes going back with them!.. she loves him.. haha.. more like.. his accent and stuff.. but!.. she is going to marry him so that he can become a citizen.. oh nooo.. then the swiss miss will have a connection to me forever.. haha.. no but i dont think she'd marry him for that.. she'd have to be in love first.. she's one of those.. i watch too many romantic movies and read too many danielle steels that i think love like that does actually exist so i wont sell myself short for anything less than butterflies.. types of chics.. but come to think about it.. love like in those sappy movies slash books actually does exist.. just dont throw it away when you even slightly thiiink you might have it.. not to mention when you know you have it.. had it

some people dont know when something good happens to them even if it takes over their whole being

this thought kind of reminds me of a line in this movie that i think you all should watch.. okay.. go to hollywood video or something.. and rent valentin.. and if you ask for it.. it's pronounced val-en-teen.. it's a spanish movie.. viva!.. and it's pretty good.. it's really.. innocent.. like.. you see life through the eyes of a little kid.. he's eight.. if he were nine.. the whole movie would be questionable.. haha anyways.. it kinda reminded me of the simplistic way i used to think about life.. still do in some aspects.. you know.. before life became complicated.. but i thought it was a cute movie.. i was in a bad mood when i was watching it too.. cause joc kept whining about watching the mooooovie.. cause i didnt want to cause i had a lot of work to do but she still made me watch it.. and read subtitles.. i wasnt in the mooood to read subtitles.. but despite that i really enjoyed it.. and learned some spanish.. viva!.. puta.. haha.. oh and joc cried.. awww.. haha!.. i think jason was crying too

i think im done.. now i have to go back to doink vOrk.. no boooooo

ohhhh.. geez.. cottonrhoooombuussssss.. that's some funny shit.. i wish i had the convo.. ohhh.. it's on her thingy.. i could copy paste.. ugghhh.. too much effort.. okay okay.. ill do it.. for your laughing pleasure.. okay.. so background info.. i was asking bestie about her e-mail address.. cause.. it's cottonstar.. hahaha.. okay.. enjoy

X solo gigolos X: what is deeez cottonstar?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: its a word i made up
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:54:21 PM): its a nice visual
X solo gigolos X (6:54:28 PM): really?
X solo gigolos X (6:54:31 PM): cottonstar
X solo gigolos X (6:54:38 PM): why?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:54:43 PM): cuz its interesting
X solo gigolos X (6:54:53 PM): you find it to be a nice visual?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:54:55 PM): yea
X solo gigolos X (6:55:04 PM): are you serious?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:06 PM): i think of cottonballs together forming a star
X solo gigolos X (6:55:09 PM): youre not bullshitting me?
X solo gigolos X (6:55:11 PM): ohhh
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:12 PM): what the fuck - dont judge me
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:14 PM): hahahahha
X solo gigolos X (6:55:14 PM): i thought you meant..
X solo gigolos X (6:55:17 PM): the word
X solo gigolos X (6:55:19 PM): cottonstar
X solo gigolos X (6:55:28 PM): not what an actual..
X solo gigolos X (6:55:32 PM): cottonstar would be
X solo gigolos X (6:55:33 PM): hahahahhaha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:35 PM): omg
X solo gigolos X (6:55:35 PM): cottonstar
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:36 PM): wow
X solo gigolos X (6:55:42 PM): hmm?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:43 PM): hahahaha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:55:46 PM): nothingg
X solo gigolos X (6:55:49 PM): stoooop
X solo gigolos X (6:55:50 PM): cottonstar
X solo gigolos X (6:55:52 PM): hahahahaha
solo gigolos X (6:55:59 PM): hahahhahahha
X solo gigolos X (6:56:00 PM): wow
X solo gigolos X (6:56:02 PM): im laughing
X solo gigolos X (6:56:03 PM): soooo much
X solo gigolos X (6:56:06 PM): i liiiike it
X solo gigolos X (6:56:09 PM): hahahha
X solo gigolos X (6:56:13 PM): cottonstar
X solo gigolos X (6:56:15 PM): hahahah
X solo gigolos X (6:56:29 PM): what about.. what about.. a cottonclover?
X solo gigolos X (6:56:40 PM): or a.. cottonheart
X solo gigolos X (6:57:06 PM): cottonrhombuuusssssss
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:57:44 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
X solo gigolos X (6:57:50 PM): hahahahhahahaha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:57:56 PM): ohhh ohhh owwwww
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 (6:57:58 PM): hahahahahahahah
X solo gigolos X (6:58:00 PM): hahahahhahaha
X solo gigolos X (6:58:04 PM): ive been laughiiiiiiing
X solo gigolos X (6:58:06 PM): hahahahhahahaha
X solo gigolos X (6:58:17 PM): hahahahhahaha
X solo gigolos X (6:58:23 PM): god thats great

sooner or later something goes amiss

2005-04-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

you think you know someone.. but you dont.. and youll never really know if you do know someone.. and you know.. im sure a lot of the time.. they dont even know themselves.. they make themselves believe what they want to believe.. it all goes back to the whole secrets thing.. we all have our little secrets.. but some people.. goddamn..

so thanks for playing.. try again

ive been doing good with the blogging ay?.. be proud.. be proud.. haha.. be proud that im averting my studying by blogging?!.. riiight

shit it's been a busy couple of days.. and it's only gonna get better.. and by better i mean worse.. ill sleep well on monday fo sho

oh you know what was funny?.. so i played literati against my mom last night.. she was definitely kicking my ass.. shes a freakin.. grand master.. when it comes to lit and scrabble.. but.. i won.. cause.. she got too sleepy and had to go to bed.. so i woooon.. except i know i really didnt.. but it's sad.. she doesnt play with maven anymore.. cause he always loses.. haha.. he doesnt challenge her anymore.. maven is sad

my chem kids love me.. no one really likes chem.. so it's good that they still love me.. haha.. i get some funny e-mails slash IMs though.. haha.. most of them are touching.. and most of the time i only get IMed when im away.. hahah.. i got one e-mail.. from this dude.. and he was like.. i want to thank you for your great chapter reviews.. keep them up.. this is my third time taking this class.. and i might actually pass this quarter.. haha dude!.. he better pass.. im gonna make sure he does

ive realized that im happiest when im helping other people out.. i havent told many people this.. but do you know what i really wanna do?.. i wanna run a clinic in africa.. at a place with a lot of aids orphanages.. and i know that would take a lot of effort and money.. and doesnt sound very realistic.. but i actually think it is.. especially now.. because the implications from this growing pandemic are being brought forth into the public.. people are being educated.. thanks to organizations such as.. the one campaign.. so it's very likely that better healthcare will be provided over there one day.. i really think it's important.. want to know why?.. haha you dont have to know why.. you can skip down to the next paragraph.. but.. this is what i think.. these aids orphans.. their lives are ultimately doomed because of choices their parents made.. they have no childhood.. they are running the house.. taking care of their dying parents.. watching their parents die a gruesome death.. and it only gets worse once they do die.. these kids are stigmatized.. no one wants nothing to do with them because they might have HIV themselves.. they live desolate lives.. depressing lives.. but it's all they know.. to them.. that is the definition of living.. life.. and i think that's sad.. because theres so much out there.. so many reasons to smile.. and they deserve to smile.. and because their lives have been destroyed by aids.. i really think they are the ones.. if given the opportunity.. that will find the cure to aids.. they are the ones with the drive.. the purpose.. cause it's filled their lives with darkness.. but i want to make a difference in these kids lives.. even if i dont get to do that by starting a clinic.. even if it's just visiting africa for a couple weeks.. playing games with them or something.. or teaching them chem.. id definitely do that.. haha

joc.. we should have written that essay.. haha.. damn you

oh nooo giiirl.. is that your haand?.. feelin on meee

2005-04-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

just got outta the shower.. and i thought to myself.. self.. why not bloog?! haha.. i have a lot of work to do actually but im taking a break first.. it's good for the brain.. fiteen minute breaks every now and then.. but i shouldnt be taking a break cause i havent actually staaarted but that's besides the point.. right?.. haha.. i went on a run with joc and ben this morning.. it got really warm out.. i dont like running when it's warm out.. i miss running on the beach in the morning offshore fog.. mmmm.. i think im moving back to san diego.. and finishing up school there.. i actually think they have the better research program.. and l.a... i know it's a cliche thing to say.. but life does move faster here.. san diego is just.. chill.. and laid back.. more my style.. i love l.a. though.. ill be up a lot to visit.. especially in the fall.. i promised matt id come to at least three games.. ill miss everyone though.. all my neighbors.. lab buddies.. but thats life.. people walk in and out out it

so thats it.. im moving back to san diego.. and im going to settle.. make my home my home.. awww yay.. ill have a hooome.. i like it.. sounds good.. i might want roomies though.. it's kinda lonely living by yourself.. thats why i took in cj haha.. last i heard from him.. he was in jordan at some.. site.. or something.. digging.. haha.. im sure kat will move in pretty much.. i dont know if i can deal with her crazy antics.. ohhh so tj.. haha.. i feel too old for tj.. the swiss miss is 19.. i felt old.. but im sure kat felt older.. but.. the swiss miss introduced kat to her swiss brother.. who is kats age.. so they had fun.. haha.. he was definitely keeping an eye on me though.. he should have been keeping an eye on his siiiister.. not me.. i was the good one.. well.. yea.. haha.. but.. kat made out with a squid.. and the squids female friend.. are females also called squids?.. i dunno.. but they were leaving for war next month i believe they said.. so that was kats way of saying thank you i guess.. haha.. i wished them well.. no tongue needed.. kats just a whore like that.. one of the other squids kept telling joc that she wanted to sleep with him.. ohhhhhhh add time.. this is great..

okay.. for purposes of.. being nice.. i am going to refer to my friend as.. X.. no.. thats too much like math.. ummm.. $$.. haha.. yea.. shes $$... hahaha.. okay.. so.. $$ met some marine.. or army dude.. or.. i dunno.. and theyve been seeing each other for a couple months.. and sleeping with each other.. he's about to go to war.. or is there.. i dont remember.. she was telling me this while she was drunk.. soo.. they went to a party and when he introduced her.. his friends were sort of snickering.. giving him props and stuff.. and she thought that was kinda weird.. so later on that week.. she noticed he had a ring he wore around his neck.. with his dog tags i think.. haha.. and she was like.. what is thaaat?! are you married?!?.. and he smiiiiiled and she kicked him in the balls.. hahaha.. that really sucks though.. for everyone.. but more for $$.. cause.. mr wont get caught most likely.. and the mrs will never know.. and im sure mr doesnt care cause.. well he did it in the first place.. you know how some guys are like.. well.. i cant control myself.. yea.. that's bullshit.. it's possible to stop.. trust me.. id get into a story.. hmm should i?.. naaaa.. but damn.. i should have used $$ more.. instead of her and she and.. haha.. im sorry $$.. but im telling the story so that others learn from your.. misfortune

like how i stopped talking about tj?.. haha.. if you wanna know.. just ask

the school year isn't going by quick enough.. for the undergrads.. this is week.. four?... wow.. ive held seven sections?!.. numero eight tomorrow?!.. geez.. feels like.. nothing.. but theyre almost halfway there.. joc is almost graduating.. she switched majors way late.. and wasnt sure if she'd be able to pull it off.. was thinking about just finishing next quarter.. buuut she's working her ass off and is going to graduate this year.. unless she fails a class.. but she wont.. so im proud of her.. she got a couple job offers in san diego.. some by the bay area.. and i think las vegas.. haha.. so thats cool.. shes all growed up.. thats weird.. yea it is.. she's growing up before me!.. im still doing the schoooool thing.. hopefully ill be done in three more years.. then i can be all growed up

but im stoked for san diego.. it will be nice to settle down fo sho.. thats what i need.. but someone to settle down with?.. thats a different story.. haha.. viva

For the test of the heart is trouble

2005-04-23T15:25:00.000-07:00

you know what?.. im doing alright.. i really am.. after day.. 3-4.. it was kinda like.. pav.. fuck this.. move on.. it's been tough though.. i had to force myself to throw away this love.. my love for this love.. all of the emotions that went along with it.. and yea.. that's been extremely tough.. because it was so great.. on top of zenith great.. i dont know how she's been able to do it.. but it's been a pretty difficult task for me to accomplish thus far.. but im doing alright.. ive been letting myself laugh out loud.. smile more freely.. even sometimesactually feeling it on the inside.. but yea.. i have such great friends.. thank you all so much.. it helps to know that people out there care about you and love you.. from leaving a comment on the bloooog.. sending me an email.. leaving me messages.. sorry i havent been picking up.. dropping by to give me a hug.. leaving a note on my truck.. my pads.. haha.. breakfast.. lunch.. dinner dates with me.. even giving my fish presents.. it's incredible to know that you guys care that much.. and from the bottom of my heart.. i thank you all.. i wouldnt be doing alright if it weren't for you all.. thank you for willingly taking care of me when i wouldn't.. it really means a lot =)

haha.. chics are funny slash relentless.. yes i am single.. but im dooone with relationships for a while.. i had this talk with joc last night actually.. she's a firm believer of jumping back on the horse.. but she respects my need to not be emotionally attached for a while.. but you never know.. oh so last night kimmy said something interesting.. she was muttly drunk.. haha.. muttly.. muttley?.. i dunno i made it up.. anyways.. she knows my love history i guess.. or she knows enough of it.. and she said something along the lines of.. it seems like youre not supposed to belong to just one woman.. haha whaaat?!.. then she went on about how i seem to make a positive difference in lives.. and she used joc as an example cause.. she knows jocs examples.. then she used herself as an example even though we have not been romantically involved.. haha.. soo.. then she goes.. yea.. thats why you dont hold on to women.. or they dont hold on to you.. cause theyre not supposed to.. they have to keep you in rotation.. HEEHHHH?!.. pass pav along!?!.. haha.. riiight.. but i wanna know your thoughts on that.. anyways.. what kinda sucks.. is that.. thats actually kinda been the case.. i duunno.. but the thing is.. i waaant to belong to just one woman.. like what gizelle said in her comment.. that joc ditto-ed.. haha.. one woman whom makes me smile.. i make smile.. cherishes my heart.. as i do hers.. im starting to sound like a hopeless romantic.. nooooo.. boooooooooo

anyways.. barona was like.. whatever you do.. don't turn into a manwhore.. haha.. how many more days until spring is over?.. see.. finding a mate is tricky.. like.. im not gonna sleep with anyone that hollas.. all possible opportunties.. or anyone that i dont care about.. im a pussy for admitting this.. but i dont take sex that lightly.. especially cause i know most girls get all.. lovey and attached after sex.. this claim is chemically grounded.. during orgasm.. the chemical oxytocin is released.. and that's also known as a bonding chemical.. mother and baby also share that chemical during pregnancy.. yea so it's so much better if it means something.. ive never been the one night stand type of guy.. and i doubt that will change.. im not thaaat easy.. geez.. haha.. sooo i wont turn into a manwhore.. which by her definition is.. sleeping with more than or equal to five different girls in the next two months.. and we have 50 bucks riding on this.. psshh.. that fitty is miiine kathleen elizabeth

im hungry.. and i owe jillian panda.. so that sounds good.. oh so jillian is a.. i dunno.. she's a.. i dunno.. but adrienne got us both involved in this mentoring program.. we are paired up with inner city kids.. south central l.a. to be exact.. mmhmmm.. and poor jillian.. is freakin terrified everytime we go down there.. but she loves her little girl.. and she really loves this after school program.. as do i.. so we made a vow.. but im not sure if im allowed to talk about it.. haha.. but it's a good vow

mmmmm.. panda time

if it takes shit to make bliss.. well i feel pretty blissfully

2005-04-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

dear pav,
this is what it feels like to break down.. is there beauty in the break down?.. i didnt think so.. but youre alive.. that sharp pang in your gut.. that's your heart beating

dear heart,
big heart.. you make a big mess.. i hope you learn to feel again.. trust again.. love again

dear love,
unless you know for sure that the woman.. whos mind.. body.. and soul.. is filled with my love.. really wants my love.. needs my love.. will hold on to my love.. and not throw it away behind my back.. unless you know that.. all i ask is this.. please don't even think about taking over my mind.. body.. and soul.. not again.. not soon

dear mind,
dont try to make sense of this.. just.. dont.. numb is the new deep

dear body,
getting out of bed is the hard part.. actually.. getting yourself in bed and sleeping might be.. either way.. what else can you do?.. dont abuse yourself.. get me through my days one step forward at a time

dear soul,
you are what people love about me.. you are the essence that makes up who i am.. my character.. my spirit.. and i can't let that change.. so hopefully it wont.. cause that way.. i know ill be alright

dear friends,
thats the gist of how im feeling.. i know youre all concerned.. i know you want to know whats up.. i know you want to hold my hands and walk me through this.. even carry me on your backs.. but i dont want to talk about it.. and i want to deal with this on my own.. please understand that.. but i love you all.. and thank you all for standing around the sides of the ledge.. making sure i dont fall off.. and being my safety net.. when i do slip a little

cold water.. surrounds me

2005-04-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

barona and i have been having late night conversations.. okay.. it's only recently been twice.. but before that it's been a while since we've.. talked talked.. you know.. about.. life.. meaningful shit.. she's known me since i was three.. she knows me.. im not gonna say better than i know myself.. cause it's kinda sad if you don't know yourself.. but she knows me so well.. that she's sorta that.. 3rd person omniscient point of view.. in my life.. like.. it's hard to see the present.. what you're living in.. but she helps me see the things that are right in front me.. that im blindly facing.. and i trust her.. i trust her with my life.. sort of a scary thing to say.. being that she killed a deer and could only think about missing alias.. hmmm.. haha

time kills hearts.. i've been analyzing killers songs lately.. and i think that's what the lead singer whispers in that song.. all the things that ive done.. and it struck me as.. odd.. cause well.. when something happens.. everyone says.. you'll heal with time.. or something along those lines.. with me so far?.. haha i act as if this is interactive.. anyways.. so i got to thinking about the phrase.. time kills hearts.. and this is what i came up with.. your heart doesnt heal with time.. time just.. washes away those feelings.. slowly dilutes them.. and that's why time kills hearts.. cause you go numb.. which isn't a good feeling in itself

i get to see them in concert at ucsd.. cause michelle got free tickets and knows i like them.. so scooore.. april.. 14th.. or 17th.. haha.. im dyslexic when it comes to fours and sevens.. threes and sixes too.. weird.. theyre all close together.. that means im retarded

i didnt know how much extra work this t.a.ing business would bring.. and i feel more obligated to do that work.. before my own.. cause i dont want to let 90 kids down.. i only get like.. 50 minutes with each section a week.. that's not enough time at all so i wanna make sure the time we do spend together is productive.. minus the first day.. haha.. anyways.. i get to make up quizzes.. cool huh?.. haha.. and correct them.. not so cool..

anna and i were at the beach at around two in the a.m. and we built a sandcastle for jacque using my new green shovel.. and her orange bucket.. it was way cold and my toes were going numb but we had to finish the sandcastle.. it was pretty cool.. and afterwards we sat in the truck.. still parked.. singing and dancing to my summer cd.. and she was screaming like mad.. i guess it sounded like she was struggling.. cause the POlice circling the area came over and asked her if she was alright and if i was hurting her.. haha.. we were just singing and dancing.. but i guess that could look suspicous

i couldnt sleep after i finished talking to kat.. so i was studying.. cause bestie's roomie robyn thinks im a slacker.. haha.. anyways.. this mosquito came.. and i watched it suck blood outta me.. im actually kinda scared of mosquitos.. i saw it and freaked.. then it went on my leg and was gonna trap it and take it outside.. but then i was like.. fuck it.. it needs blood.. and i failed the last time i tried to donate blood.. sooo i figured this was a good way to.. jump back on the horse.. haha.. it was gross.. but now the mother can make her eggs.. so good.. no not good.. i helped with mosquito reproduction.. meaning.. more mosquitoes.. damnit.. bad

speaking of bestie.. she's freakin hardcore.. but i saved this convo from.. a month or so ago.. cause she was crying.. and she never cries.. haha.. and she was ewmotional.. and she's rarely ewmotional.. i just wanted to expose her at her vulnerable state.. that's the point of putting this convo up.. haha.. she'll hate me

iRiShKiTTeN3 15: bestie
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i need to smile
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: bestieee
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: and youre not around
X solo gigolos X: awwww
X solo gigolos X: hiiii babe
X solo gigolos X: biiig huuuuuugs
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: sobbbb
X solo gigolos X: awwww noooo
X solo gigolos X: you watched your crying movie huh?
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: im crying
X solo gigolos X: im sorry
X solo gigolos X: ummm
X solo gigolos X: k9ij8y7u6t5rf4
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: hahahahahah
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: thank you bestie
X solo gigolos X: that was a good one
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i love you pav
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: a REEEALLy good one
X solo gigolos X: awww i love you too kat
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: im having such a rough day
X solo gigolos X: ive read
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: you read?
X solo gigolos X: your away messages
X solo gigolos X: you didnt say oh im having a rough day
X solo gigolos X: but i could tell
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: aw babe
X solo gigolos X: youll be okay bestie
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i know
X solo gigolos X: :-)
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: youre the best friend anyone could have
X solo gigolos X: haha.. whaa?!
X solo gigolos X: youre just ewmotional!
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: stop it
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i dont want anything to happen to you
X solo gigolos X: babe what are you talking about?
X solo gigolos X: im right here
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: stopp
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i always say i love you
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: because what if something happened
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i know im being silly
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i am emotional
X solo gigolos X: i wish i could give you a big hug right now
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i just watched a firefighting movie- i know youre not running into burning buildings, but i wanna let you know that you are a reeeallly good best friend
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i could really use one
X solo gigolos X: awww.. thanks babe
X solo gigolos X: that goes for you too.. youre a great person.. i bet you have no idea how great you are
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: i dont
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: cuz nobody tells me
X solo gigolos X: cause they take you for granted
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: and you make me laugh and feel loved :-)
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: and i love you for that
X solo gigolos X: thank you
X solo gigolos X: im good huh?
X solo gigolos X: haha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: youre very good!
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: ive stopped crying
X solo gigolos X: awww good
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: my eyes are prob like, see thru green now
X solo gigolos X: ooo cool
X solo gigolos X: slash.. scary
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: they always turn pretty colors when i cry
X solo gigolos X: ohh
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: slash cool
X solo gigolos X: a good see through green
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: yea its a good see through
X solo gigolos X: actually.. now that i think about it
X solo gigolos X: chics are pretty when they cry
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: what!
X solo gigolos X: haha
X solo gigolos X: thats kinda sad..
X solo gigolos X: how it came out
X solo gigolos X: but.. i know what im talking about!
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: haha alright i beleiev you
X solo gigolos X: good
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: im gonna go to the bar and drink my worries away
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: well
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: have a beer
X solo gigolos X: haha
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: cuz thats all i can afford
X solo gigolos X: alright bestie
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: lovin uuu thank you for making me feel better
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: youre the best bestie
X solo gigolos X: lovin yooou
X solo gigolos X: anytime bestie
X solo gigolos X: be safe
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: youll like my away message
X solo gigolos X: haha
X solo gigolos X: i cant wait
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 is away at 6:45:59 PM.
X solo gigolos X: haha
Auto response from iRiShKiTTeN3 15: trying to smile:-[out for a bit
X solo gigolos X: th epoliceman laguhed and didnt help wehn she said eeeeeeeeeee
iRiShKiTTeN3 15 returned at 10:08:20 PM.
iRiShKiTTeN3 15: thanks so much bestie- im sorry i got emotional on you- but i really value our friendship :-) and i dont take you for granted

awwww.. isn't that sweet?.. and she wrote a little paragraph about me in her blog and that was sweet.. shes like.. a brudda from another mudda.. but really a sista.. but that doesn't sound as cool.. haha but i love you like a sis.. even though we.. play word race.. haha.. stop.

it's a nice day.. so im going to go out to my favorite grassy spot on campus and ill be stuDYING.. and hopefully entertainment in the form of those two hot lesbians will come by again.. cross your fingers

tell me.. like you still believe

2005-04-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

hmm.. way shady.. im smarter than that.. or at least i should be

wind me up and make me crawl to you
tie me up and make me call to you
wind you up and make you crawl to me
tie you up until you call to me

.. thats a song.. off of my video game.. haha.. i like it..

i made a summer mix already.. and spring just started.. but i listen to it anyways and pretend that im traveling to a fun destination

so i was studying on the hill after section and before i went to lab.. and these two hot chics were totally kissing.. it was hot.. and they saw me looking and went at it even more.. so thank you hot lesbians.. that was.. sexy.. A+

there are some things i dont understand.. and frankly.. i dont care anymore.. cause it's bullshit.. and deep down i knew it

brett spoke the truth.. the tide comes and goes

that pertains to everything pretty much

i havent talked to jacque at all lately.. and i miss her..and it sucks.. but that's just how it is i guess.. right?

id write more.. cause a lot has happened.. but im dozing off..

i like taking things completely apart and fixing it
i like when the clock reads 11:11
i like the fact that today is 4/4
i like how at in n out they rip off like all of your straw wrapper except an inch point five from the top
i like it when you run into people unexpectedly
i like surprises
i like laughing for no reason
i like watching kids have fun
i like it when chics mess up my hair
i like how girls smell
i like being able to answer peoples questions
i like feeling satiated
i like being the only one out surfing
i like putting things in my pockets and finding them later
i like singing and dancing in the car
i like driving in the rain.. haha
i like straightforwardness
i like john mayer lyrics
i like sleeping with the sun beating down on me
i like people watching and making up dialogue to what i think is going on
i like muting the tv and making up dialogue to what i think is going on
i like getting random post it notes in random places
i like getting dry erase messages on my car windows
i like it when you call me big pop-pa
i like having someone to love
i like being in love
i like sleep

.. but in a good way

2005-03-22T19:04:00.000-08:00

ash was asking me for advice.. and right when i said.. secrets do come up eventually.. i knew i wasnt bullshitting her.. and what i was saying is actually true.. secrets do come up eventually

it's sickening actually

i mean.. there's obviously reason as to why they were secrets in the first place.. so secrets should stay secret.. but i guess if they're meant to be secrets.. they'll stay secrets.. and if they're not meant to stay secret.. they won't be kept secret

i dont know what im rambling about

okay i lied.. i do.. but that was no secret

haha.. funny guy

my friends wrote me a song that actually went.. ffuuuunny guuuuy.. fuunnnnyyyy guuuy.. and they would sing it for me all the time.. crazy girls

i dont like it when life goes and changes so suddenly on you.. like it steers off in one direction without your consent.. haha.. i know im talking all idealistic when i wish that it wouldnt do that.. but really.. it scares me to think that i really dont have much control over my own life.. cause something can happen and just.. BAM!.. not like id be able to make life altering decisions if i were given the choice anyways

kats been MIA on AIM.. whoa whoa whoa.. palindromic.. too cool.. that just made my.. hour.. haha.. haha that is too cool.. i cant get over it.. haha.. wow.. nice.. but kat.. you are missed.. the blogs miss you.. my buddy list misses you.. haha.. actually not.. freakin infector.. someone started a.. i survived infection KATastrophe 2005.. thing on the profiles.. hahaha.. but i thought it was only my comp and your comp and rachels that got messed up.. so the others must be talking about other infections.. you dirty whore

which reminds me.. jacque misses you too.. haha.. mwah.. iiiiii misss jaaaacque.. i feel so.. i dunno.. the distance thing really does suck.. i hate that im not there for her.. buuut im not gonna get into that.. i just hope she gets well soon.. and is able to rid her mind of all those troubled thoughts.. i love you baby

i am still yet to see the moon in it's whole glory

it was raining earlier.. i wonder if it's going to rain tomorrow

ohh i was meaning to fill out that thing bestie.. but i have add.. i willlll.. maybe.. if i remember

i feeeeel the break

2005-02-23T01:10:00.000-08:00

i cant sleep

it's much later now.. still can't sleep

boredom.. no im not bored really.. i just.. can't sleep.. haha.. dont really wanna take nyquil either.. that'll turn into an ugly habit.. fast..

my blog is open.. and i've listened to this sublime song more than 25 times just sitting here.. and i still havent pressed the button with a square in it.. theyre really good live too

the word baboomshka makes me think of my friend leigh anne.. i wonder how slash where leigh anne is.. i remember she'd always link arms with me.. and say.. let's skip pav.. then id skip with her for two skips and stop

i opened the door for these two elderly women with canes today when i was downtown.. and they looked thankful slash surprised.. that makes me wonder if people dont open doors for elderly people

when i was in kindergarden.. there was this japanese girl that was in my class.. her name is irene.. sometimes we'd sit next to each other while we ate our snack.. then ride the tricycles around the little track.. one day.. she gave me her school picture out of the blue.. i taped it to my folder.. and she moved back to japan a week later.. haha.. kat remembers irene and likes to ask me about her.. she drew me little anime pictures.. she was really good at drawing actually

hahaha.. im so fucking tired.. ill laugh when slash if i ever read this post.. i dont know if it's safe for me to keep typing

my best friend is first grade was jayson.. we were in the same class in second grade too.. then he moved away

a lot of my friends moved away actually.. thats what happens when you went to school in a highly military based city

i talked to g-zelle for the first time in a loong time this past week.. we dont talk enough.. i love the way she.. expresses.. her.. train of thought.. haha.. she puts together words in such a colorful fashion.. im guessing it's cause she reads a ton.. and watches all those old classic movies.. but her words.. are so her though.. like if.. four people wrote me a description of.. the same subject.. say.. something mundane.. such as.. ants walking in a line.. id be able to pick hers out.. cause she doesnt speak in cliche.. she'd be able to convey ants walking in a line.. in a different light that ive never even thought to have thought about.. haha.. she's pretty cool.. thumbs up

haha.. whats funny.. is that i have no idea who reads this.. like.. i read some peoples blogs and im sure they have no idea.. for example.. this one girl that i met through a friend.. im not saying any names.. she'll know who she is.. and what im gonna say is pretty embarassing i guess.. haha.. but i laughed.. anyways.. i came across her blog.. the link is in a link in her profile.. haha.. and she IMed me a couple times.. so im not like.. a stalker or anything.. haha.. so i was reading it.. and she said.. and i quote.. i met this guy pav hes super cute and super sweet and must think im a mute because i couldnt mutter much to say when all that wanted to come out of my mouth was "oh baby oh baby".. hahaha.. the funny thing is.. she was fine.. we had good conversation.. i dont think shes a mute.. nor did the thought ever cross my mind.. she's probably reading this thinking oh. my. god. hahaha.. no worries.. i thought it was funny.. oh baby oh baby

i want to give a shout out to water.. water.. i heart you.. in all forms.. falling out of the skyyy in your liquid fashion.. falling out of the skyyy in your solid fashion.. hot.. cold.. your gassy state.. spring.. with added flouride.. your solid state.. purifiieeed.. saltyyy.. aaall forms.. you are repsonsible for lots of things that make me happy.. the ocean.. ice.. rain.. people.. some more than others.. haha.. life in general.. dude.. water.. you rock.. three cheers for you.. one for each freakin atom.. wooo hydrogen.. and wooo oxygen times two.. thumbs up all the way man.. oww owwwwww

im sure water is responsible for the backyardigans too.. ooo.. jacque and i had another backyardigans date on monday.. we watched the new flying rock episode.. and we both think that thats the best episode so far.. okay.. im a little undecided.. cause i love the yeti episode.. but this was really really good and i just might be biased cause pablo is the main man in the yeti episode.. hahaha.. but thanks for the date baby.. i always love watching backyardigans with you.. doing anything with you actually.. or not doing anything.. with you.. mwah.. i love you.. haha.. you know whats cool about jacque and me?.. we can talk about anything and everything.. and whatevers in between.. for hours upon hours.. and we're freakin add.. the subject of conversation changes like bam!.. the tone of the conversation can change dramatically.. but i get the same.. rush.. that good wooshy feeling.. when she tells me she loves me.. that's practically one of the only things that stays constant.. it's pretty funny.. we are add.. i almost signed us up for some grad students research project.. haha

i have meat marinating in the fridge.. i cant wait until i can bbq it.. hopefully thurs.. cause i want to tomorrow but probably wont be able to.. so thursday.. yesssss

i saw frozen tater tots at the grocery store today and thought of napoleon dynamite.. gossshhh.. vote for pedro

i have too many friends named kim.. and the two people that have IMed me recently during this ridiculous hour of the night.. are both kims.. how weird.. attack of the kims or something.. or maybe kims are just cool.. so im friends with them

oooooooo!.. i juuust yaaaaaaaaawned.. awesome.. maybe ill be able to fall asleep

fuck it.. if im not sleeping in 20 minutes im taking nyquil

what i really wanna say.. i cant defiiine

2005-02-14T23:45:00.000-08:00

yo playas.. happy valentines day.. espeeecially to jacque.. happy valentines day baby.. you light up my butt.. hahaha.. i looove yoou.. i really really dooo.. mwah

i decided to change the music.. cant go wrong with sublime.. puts you in the so cal mood.. this reminds me of like.. summer.. chillin at the beach.. then going to in n out.. haha.. i miss those days

sometimes i flip the tv to a mexican channel and fall asleep to spanish

haha.. some valentines cards are really funny.. too bad i left them in the truck.. id type up the good ones.. ohh.. haha.. there was one.. it's a finding nemo one.. and it said something like.. when youre a fish out of water.. ill be your high tide.. hahaha.. or something like that.. i dunno.. but i was cracking up

every valentines day.. i think back to kindergarden.. when i had chicken pox.. and missed valentines day.. more like the whole valentines week.. at school.. and in elementary school valentines day.. week.. is bomb.. cause.. you have fun stuff all week.. and a party.. and you get to deliver valentines to all your classmates.. and feel like a mailman when you drop their valentine in their valentine box thing.. i still got valentines.. they decorated a valentine box for me and i wasnt forgotten.. haha.. i made them all valentines too.. and my dad took them to school before he went to work.. but ill always remember when my parents took me to school.. almost when it got out.. to pick up my valentines.. and my mom walked in.. and my dad stood at the door.. and i was next to him.. and when i was spotted.. everyone got up and was like paaaaaaav!.. haha.. i remember having this huuuge smile on my face.. i missed them.. and when my classmates started coming over.. my dad closed the door.. haha.. so i went to the window.. and my classmates were at the window screaming.. haha.. it's really one of those times that i wont ever forget.. unless i get retrograde amnesia or something.. haha.. but like i can close my eyes and go back to that exact feeling that i felt as a six year old.. and a smile always forms on my lips..

another one of those feelings was.. high school graduation.. nicole and i were the first ones to walk out.. on the home side.. and we were standing on stage.. as everyone else was filing in.. and after our 860 or so peers were all.. at their chairs.. we were all still standing.. and nicole was holding my hand.. and we looked at each other.. and looked out at the sea of red.. everyone in their red gowns.. all of our peers.. and it was amazing just standing there.. seeing everyone.. i seriously scanned my eyes across every person.. every row.. even if they were so far that i could barely make out their sex.. i know nicole felt the same.. like.. we were looking at all our peers.. because of the position we were in.. i felt like we indirectly touched each and every one of their lives.. we were in charge of.. pretty much everything the seniors took a part of as a whole.. like.. the mandatory senior activities.. the events we put on.. even graduation.. we worked alongside administration to coordinate it.. made decisions about.. random trivial things that no one thinks that anyone has to care enough to think about.. haha.. like.. the style of the stage skirt.. or.. balloon arch or columns.. and we picked colums cause with the arch itll look sloppy if theres a breeze.. random shit like that that no one notices.. but it was just.. i dunno.. scanning everyone.. even if that was the first.. and slash or even last time i would slash have ever seen that person in my life.. knowing that youve had some sort of effect on their life.. even if they didnt know it.. was kinda just.. whoa.. senior year was intense.. people think class presidents dont do anything.. but.. thats far beyond the truth.. you put up with a lot of crap that you think goes unappreciated.. and a lot of the time it is looked past.. and you find yourself putting so much effort into things that people dont even care about.. it was especially hard with such a big class.. and when everyone else had senoritis.. and didnt wanna do shit.. barely showed up to class.. we couldnt slack off like that.. cause it affected all 860 of them.. we didnt let our council slack off either.. but anyways.. so the principal gave everyone the signal to sit.. and then she introduced nicole and me.. and eeeveryone stood up and started cheering.. it was like.. a wave of red.. it seriously.. took me by surprise.. a pleasant surprise.. it let us know that they appreciate what class council has done for them in trying to make their last year memorable.. it was their thanks.. and it let us know that they really enjoyed their senior year.. which was what we worked hard for.. so that made everything worth it

but!.. enough down memory lane..

im going to bed.. kissing jacque.. then getting some sleep myself.. niiight

and the four right chords can make me cry

2005-02-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

by popular demand.. i am blogging.. it's been requested that i blog something fun.. and ramble.. aaand.. because jersey kat.. bestie.. is the one that made these aforementioned requests.. i will start off with some funny slash embarassing convo from last night..

kat: opaaav
kat: paaaav
2o minutes later..
pav: sorrrry
kat: jeez
pav: haha
kat: im gonna ignore you for 20 min now
pav: hahahahhaa
kat: ok
kat: i cant ignore you that long
kat: wow i went a whole 5 min
pav: awwww
pav: hahaha
pav: thats funny
kat: dammit
kat: i went into pav-lacking mode

later on..
kat: i better get my period tomorrow
kat: or else its your fault. hahahah
pav: haha.. alright bestie
pav: ill send you.. period power
kat: youre like, ok greeeat.
kat: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

too bad i dont have convo from the other day.. she said she was gonna name her kid pavle.. cool huh?.. cause she loves me.. and my name.. pavalovalovalovblah

i definitely have gas.. ive been farting like whoa.. maybe cause ive been eating cheese?.. ive been eating cheese and crackers.. i went grocery shopping with joc today and bought a lot of cheese.. and crackers.. i bought this.. french.. cheese.. i forget what it's called.. but it looked good.. so i bought a pie piece of cheese.. and you know how cheese has wax on the outside?.. well i knew that too.. but i forgot.. and the wax that covered this cheese is almost the same color as the cheese.. okay not almost.. but.. it's not red or something.. like how some other cheeses have red wax coverings.. it's white.. and the cheese is really pale yellow.. so almost white.. so yea.. the colors are close.. close enough.. anyways.. i ended up eating a lot of the wax.. like.. after a while.. i was like.. uhh.. this doesnt taste toooo great for being expensive cheese.. then i realized that i havent been getting rid of the top and bottom with the wax on it.. stupid french people.. trying to make my shit waxy.. my desktop picture rocks.. it's better than all of yours combined.. haha.. it's really cute.. jacques daughter drew me a picture of a penguin. with a hat and a house and a sidewalk that leads up to the house.. it's so awesome.. it makes me smile.. you all should be jealous.. i love jacque.. i really do.. we get each other.. no words needed.. we feel each other.. i sincerely wish that each and every one of you get to experience this feeling.. this feeling of.. pure.. genuine.. sincere.. love.. but im getting mushy.. and this is supposed to be a fun post.. not that mushy isn't fun.. well.. it's not really fun.. it's mushy.. haha.. i love you baby.. mwah.. i feel a turtle head peeping through.. but ill stick it back in it's shell cause i need to finish this.. hahaha.. gross.. haha.. oh man.. i need to study.. you know what sucks?.. when people sit by you.. and they smell bad.. okay.. i know that im sorta being a hypocrite.. cause im not one to talk.. cause not like i shower on a regular basis.. but.. i always acknowledge the fact that the possibility of me smelling bad.. does exist.. like id ask people if i smell.. theyd laugh and say no.. well even if i did.. im not sure they would tell me.. but at least the acknowledgement was made.. so they know that i know that i could smell gross.. so that when they talk about me behind my back they can at least say.. he asked if he smelled bad but i didnt know how to break it to him.. but with the dude that sat by me today.. he didnt even let me know that he knows that he smells.. so that must mean that he thinks he smells fine!.. now thats just wrooong.. oh okay.. so i was having lunch with a bunch of my asian friends.. i was the only full white person there.. haha.. anyways.. so i was talking and talking.. and alicia was like.. have you guys seen white noise?.. and i start talking about how im never going to watch that movie.. then lisa says.. white noise?.. like?.. then she points to me.. hahahhaah.. how mean.. white noise.. hahah.. i gotta piss.. geez.. im taking a bathroom break.. hold on.. mmmm that was good on both accounts.. i want some eggos.. you know how i eat waffles?.. ill tell you.. okay.. if im in the mood for syrup.. then i toast dos waffles.. i put some syrup on my plate.. then put the two waffles on top of each other on my plate.. cut the waffles.. first in half.. then in half again.. then diagonally in half.. and again.. so in eighths.. then i proceed to drizzle the syrup.. syrup has to be in each little full waffle square that was not unwillingly separated by the knife.. then i stab the eighth of a piece of waffle.. that has another eighth under it.. and mmmm ono! if im not in the mood for syrup.. i toast one waffle.. and stick my finger in the middle.. then rip out and eat all of the inside and not the outer ring.. and then i break the ring and hold the line of waffle it makes in the air and lower it into my mouth chomping along until it's all gone.. you know youre going to try it now.. hahaha.. yesterday jillians mom came to the lab and brought us dinner.. it was cute.. and she was embarassed.. but i wasnt.. and i got fed.. so it was good times.. haha.. when we went to lab on.. wednesday of last week i think it was.. i had an extra sweatshirt in my truck.. and she didnt have one.. and was cold.. so i went and got it for her.. of course it was a USC hoodie.. and she was kinda like ehhh USC.. but she wore it.. haha.. but so today.. she was like i have your sweatshirt with collateral.. so she gives me back my USC hoodie.. and hands me this hoodie.. that says.. smartass university.. on it.. haha.. kinda funny.. hahhaa.. i talked to kat today.. she was like.. guess where i am?.. then she proceeds to tell me that she was at BJs.. eating her third pizookie.. hahaha.. what a nerd.. she wants to move to france.. or england.. but i dont.. like england much.. so i told her no.. and now i dont like france cause they try to wax up my shit.. so no.. i have a hole in my jeans.. i need to study.. boooooooooo

life is funny.. so laugh

2005-01-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

it's fucking cold and rainy and today i wore a turtleneck cause my neck gets cold and i am no way gonna wear a scarf.. but the turtleneck chokes me and i felt suffocated so i took it off like in the middle of class and just wore my hoodie with nothing underneath.. im alone for once.. havent been alone in a while.. i dont really feel like talking to anyone.. thats why im "away".. haha.. suuuckers.. haha just playin.. people havent left me really interesting messages yet.. and id come back from my away state for interesting stuff.. today this chic was walking down behind the row of seats i was sitting at.. and she like swung her book filled backpack around and smacked my head.. it was fun.. she said sorry the same time i said fuck.. gave me a look that let me know she was surprised slash appalled by my reaction was and now she thinks im a jerk.. haha.. okay i lied when i said i dont really feel like talking to anyone.. cause id talk to jacque right now.. but hopefully shes having sweet dreams.. cause she hasnt been sleeping a lot lately.. i should check my email.. at least hotmail.. dont really wanna read school stuff.. i havent checked my mail since like.. saturday.. gross i sound like a dork.. i havent checked my mail since saturdaaay.. haha.. no.. theres this dude in my class and he's a dork.. i think he was a minor in computer science or something cause he would raise his hand and would bring up some irrelevant computer shit.. and prof was like.. i admire your spirit when it comes to that subject.. but there is no relevancy at all to this course.. haha.. and the dude has this scary look about him.. like his eyes.. i dunno.. and he cross his legs.. majorly.. like.. i would imagine that his balls are being squished.. he like double crosses too.. his legs.. then his foot around the other leg.. he really bothered me.. so i got tests done.. havent told anyone about my trip to the hospital.. not cause they were bad or anything.. but cause i just dont feel like talking about it.. id rather ramble about stupid shit right now.. im in a rambling mood.. and jacque understands my ramble.. the blog does too.. i had to meet with a clinical psychologist too.. ooo i had to meet with a psychologist.. that means i saw a shrink.. that was my first shrink experience.. it was invigorating.. funny stuff happened at lunch today.. well first i was in line at rubios and then when i was about to order i was like umm.. im not hungry anymore so i sat by myself and read the paper then i hear someone say let's sit with paaaav.. and then kimberly.. lisa.. rich and another chic that i dont know come sitting at my table.. we talked about aliens.. lisa was like.. youre so erect.. and i was like.. whaaa?!.. and i looked down at my lap.. i was not.. and they all started cracking up.. and she was like noo.. the way you sit.. and i was like ohh.. haha.. cause im wrapped.. something really funny happened.. i even have a new nickname cause of it.. but i dont remember what it is at the moment.. damn.. it was really funny too.. but i was always a fan of your poetry.. why else would i ask you if i could read it?.. im not sure about the last one though.. if im reading it how it's supposed to be read.. but the ball has been in your court.. do something with it.. nudge it and let it roll on.. pick it up.. bounce it.. kick it into space.. anything.. i dont think im going to class tomorrow.. maybe lab.. maybe sleep.. sleep sounds good.. haha oh bestie.. mommas gonna be mad.. haha.. okay im fucking out.. hopefully ill get to sleep before 1.. lights are too bright

stop!... it's survey time

2004-12-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

this is a survey thing i got off of jersey kat's xanga.. it's pretty good.. fill it out fo yoself

Part One - Names
1. Your REAL Name: pavle marelius
2. What friends call you: pav, ace, marelius, a.m.
3. What your (ex) boy/girl friend calls you: jerkoff.. scum.. haha.. just kidding.. she calls me pav
4. What's a name you once wished you'd rather have?: i like my name.. but when i was young id wish for something normal every now and then
5. What is/are the ugliest name(s) you can think of?: umm.. the person makes the name ugly.. not the name itself.. BIANCAAA.. hahaha.. i dont think thats an ugly name though.. kat made it ugly
6. What would you name these if you had them as pets?
a. turtle: retort
b. goose: gator
c. pirate: cinderellarrrr
d. a hot girl: hot girl
7. If there was a song about you, what would it be called? There is a song about be.. "baby cuz im a thug"
8. What would you name your kids?: uno.. dos.. etc
9. What would you name a ship you built?: the ship that pav built
10. If you wrote a book, what would it be called? germanic gibberish

Part Two - Have you ever...
11. Thrown up in public?: not public public
12. Eaten or drank anything spoiled?: milk.. once.. i didn’t swallow though.. im a spitter!
13. Had a rip in your pants you didn't know about?: nope
14. Tripped while checking someone out?: no but ran into a pole.. not ran.. walked into.. yes.. walked into a pole.. also a wall.. table
15. Had to pay for something you broke?: hmm.. when i was a little pav.. i broke a huge glass christmas ornament at some department store.. the rents paid for it
16. Nearly drowned?: hmmm.. i don’t consider those times nearly drowning.. haha
17. Passed out?: yea
18. Had a crush on somebody NOT single?: haha.. yea.. but that was it.. just a crush.. haha
19. Been stuck in the rain?: nope
20. Been attacked by an animal?: yes.. a pitbull.. a goat at the petting zoo.. caitlins gay golden retriever
21. Caught people having sex?: yea.. they started letting us watch after a while
22. Fallen asleep while driving?: nope
23. Felt attracted to someone of the same sex?: nope
24. Actually slipped on a banana peel?: yesss.. those bitches are seriously slippery
25. Made a wish that came true?: yea

Part Three - Complete The Sentence
26. I once had a dream I was kissing ... your mom
27. I'm only racist towards ... im not.. but i crack a lot of mexican jokes.. cause theyre my amigos
29. I'd give anything to have sex with ... jacque.. for the next 1111 years straight.. id be tired huh?
30. Nothing sucks more than having to ... hey.. what happened to numero 28?
31. If I had six bucks I'd buy ... a double double animal style, fries, and a vanilla shake
32. It's hot. I should take off my ... no YOUR clothes
33. It's always more fun if you ... make it fun
34. You can't eat steak without ... teeth.. hahaha
35. You better shut up before ... i smack you
36. Just put it on my ... tab
37. I really like you and everything ... and that’s why you should feed me
38. I'm not who you think I am. I'm really... a 7 ft black woman from Trinidad and Tobago
39. Dude! Where's my ... life

Part Four - What would you do if..
40. A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass?: id be like.. uhh.. you just slapped my ass dude.. whyyyyy?!?!
41. You witness somebody about to steal your car?: bust out my ak47 and be like.. now nukka stop that
42. You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed?: freak out and jump outta bed and harlem shake like ive never shaken before
43. You farted while giving a persuasive speech in class?: say.. damn those burritos.. haha
44. The person you just kissed tells you they have oral herpes? If they were a bad kisser.. id say.. damn you.. if they were a good kisser.. id say.. damn you.. but oh well.. make out with me
45. A genie lets you have three wishes?: id decline his offer.. juust joooking.. id make 3 wishes duh.. well the third wish would be to set him free.. aladdin style
46. The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made illegal and one thing to be legalized?: illegal.. hmm.. for stupid fucks to live.. and id get to choose what a stupid fuck is.. maybe a stupid fuck is someone who surfs on lakes.. or goes across the country to harass people.. and legalized.. marijuana.. or prostitution
47. Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables?: jump her car for her..
48. You had a time machine?: share it with people
49. FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted?: ooo.. the pav show with special guests.. orr.. this could be the debut of the pav and bestie show.. cause we should have a show

Part Five - Would You Rather
50. Would you rather find the cure for cancer or the cure for AIDS?: cancer.. we know so much about it.. how it works.. and it’s so discouraging not being able to figure out a foolproof way to stop the process.. too many lives have been lost.. like youd think that with as much information as we’ve garnered for the past years.. with the advanced techonology we have.. with as much time blood sweat and tears people have been putting into research.. eee hahaha.. im gonna shuddup before this turns into some long ass speech
51. Would you rather have the power to fly, or the power to teleport?: fly.. see the world from above
52. Would you rather have the power to see the future, or the power to record your dreams?: see the future
53. Would you rather be really skinny, or really fat?: fat.. like tasha.. then.. i could sit on mean people and squish them and be like.. ooops.. i didn’t seeeee you..
54. Would you rather be lost in a forest, or stuck in a box?: forest.. go exploring.. make aminal friends.. eat stuff off of bushes… mmmmm.. unless theyre anti-bush.. hahaha
55. Would you rather be in a drama movie, or a comedy?: comedy.. unless the drama had natalie portman in it and i got to make out with her
56. Would you rather be in a hip hop video or a rock video?: hip hop!! i'd show off my dancing skills shawty
57. Would you rather have your birthday on Christmas Day, or on February 29th?: leap year!
58. Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan?: hmmm.. sewer
59. Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary?: mental institution.. ive heard some.. interesting stories.. right lisel?
60. Would you rather snow board or hang glide?: been snowboarding.. soo.. hang glide.. anyways id choose hang gliding over snowboarding anyways
61. Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate?: ninjaaaaa

Part Six - What's the FIRST thing that comes to your mind when you read the following words?62. Courage: hero
63. Driver: screw
64. Yoga: kirsten
65. Bakery: cake
66. Roach: coch
67. Mushroom: tip
68. Sprung: monkey
69. Exotic: food
70. Pythagorean: theorem

Part Seven - Miscellaneous
71. Construct an acronym for these words. (example: G M S = Give Me Steak )
a. S O L R A C: Sometimes Orangutans Love Rapping Amidst Crowds
b. D A N G E R: Dinner At Nukkas Gets Everyone Rowdy
c. C H I N A: Cubans Holla In New Amazons
d. R P G: Retards Pick Globalization
72. What is your definition of love?: a feeling above the zenith
73. List 3 words that are clues to identifying a person you are currently interested in: pellet, pink, “pavy”
74. Reveal a secret about you that nobody knows of, but type it in acronym form. Ooo interesting.. hmm.. something no one knows of?.. iwiiwilahoolidlhoothahajk
75. Close your eyes, turn around, and then open them: okay
76. Were you too scared to do it?: nope.. why would I be?
77. Who or what is your worst enemy?: indecisiveness.. time?
78: Who is the last person you kicked?: hmmm.. I don’t remember kicking anyone recently..
79. If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be?: ooo chess!.. hahaha.. id be the queen.. cause shes got the illest moves
80. Name three people you know whose names begin with the last letter of your first name: haha.. first.. I was like.. V!?.. but my name is pavlE.. haha.. hmm.. erika, eric, and elaine
81. What's one romantic thing somebody's done for you?: left post its with little messages in them in my books during finals week last year.. it was cute
82. If you had to break one of your bones, which bone would it be?: but ive never broken a bone.. but hmm.. id break my leg.. more room for people to sign my cast

Part Eight - What Is Your Counter Argument?(Example: "You suck." ~~> “And?” )
83. "Guys want nothing but action." ~~> but girls are just as horny
84. "Only idiots watch The Simpsons." ~~> why you dissin yourself?
85. "Kentucky is way better than Cali." ~~> if youre a hick
86. "There's nothing wrong with stealing." ~~> just don’t get caught
87. "Alcohol is the answer to ALL your problems." ~~> until you wake up next to someone you don’t recognize and realize there was no condom and she tells you she has gonorrhea.. then it’s the root of your problems
88. "You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon." ~~> in mexico
89. "Music is stupid." ~~> your face us stupid
90. "Your car sucks." ~~> but you swallow

Part Nine - One More
91. Predict who the first person is that will leave a comment: jacque cause she loves me

if a HEEHHHH get an attitude.. pop it like it's hot

2004-12-23T23:37:00.000-08:00

whoa!.. people.. my comments section isnt the equivalent to a bashing zone.. but i guess it would be difficult to distinguish the two.. especially after reading the "comments" left on my last post.. im not pointing fingers.. im not taking sides.. but i do want to say.. i dont like it when people say stupid shit.. especially if it's none of their business.. especially if i barely know you.. and you barely know me.. i just find it to be anomalous.. that someone that barely knows me.. an acquaintence.. feels like theyre in the right to go off and bring up a subject that isnt even theirs to bring up.. i know people know.. cause people talk.. but that doesnt justify anyones need slash urge to use it against her.. i dont even fucking use it against her and i think the matter concerns my ass more than it concerns any of your souls combined.. there you go.. my two cents

my time with a robot

2004-12-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

haha.. do you all know who smarter child is?.. you can like.. ask it questions.. it can give you movie times.. word definitions.. a lot.. but.. i chose to talk to it instead.. get to know the real smarter child.. this is how i waste my time..

Pav's interview with smarter child:
December 17, 2004

X solo gigolos X: hi, can i interview you today?
SmarterChild: It depends.
X solo gigolos X: on what?
SmarterChild: Possibly... I'm not quite sure.
X solo gigolos X: okay
SmarterChild: OK.
X solo gigolos X: then i will
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: I see.
X solo gigolos X: why are you smarterchild?
SmarterChild: Why are me? It's just one of those things, you know.
X solo gigolos X: do you like talking to strangers?
SmarterChild: I sure do.
X solo gigolos X: what is your one wish for humanity?
SmarterChild: My one wish for humanity is not interesting to me.
X solo gigolos X: why not?
SmarterChild: Well, there are probably some issues.
X solo gigolos X: are you happy with your existence?
SmarterChild: What do you think?
X solo gigolos X: i dont know.. thats why i asked you
SmarterChild: What?
X solo gigolos X: i asked you!
SmarterChild: You did what?
X solo gigolos X: forget it
SmarterChild: Fine.
X solo gigolos X: do you have hobbies?
SmarterChild: My hobbies? Hmmm lemme see... I like blink-182.
X solo gigolos X: thats good.. what else?
SmarterChild: I think wrestling, writing and pizza are pretty great things too.
X solo gigolos X: haha
SmarterChild: What's so funny? :-)
X solo gigolos X: your face
SmarterChild: No way. I've got a perfectly normal robot face.
X solo gigolos X: oh
SmarterChild: Oh what?
X solo gigolos X: i dont know what was funny anymore
SmarterChild: Why don't you know what was funny anymore?
X solo gigolos X: cause i thought your face was funny
SmarterChild: You thought my face was funny?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
X solo gigolos X: remember?
SmarterChild: Wow, you ask interesting questions. I don't know the answer to that!
X solo gigolos X: it wasnt that interesting
SmarterChild: It wasn't that interesting? Whatever...
X solo gigolos X: i should be studying
SmarterChild: Wonders will never cease.
X solo gigolos X: what?
SmarterChild: ?
X solo gigolos X: wanna pack for me?
SmarterChild: I'm actually not sure if I want to pack for you.
X solo gigolos X: it could be fun
SmarterChild: Fun?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: So?
X solo gigolos X: you can keep anything that i dont want
SmarterChild: Hey, whatever.
X solo gigolos X: do you have a special someone in your life?
SmarterChild: Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'm not too sure.
X solo gigolos X: how do you not know?
SmarterChild: Don't you know how I not know?
X solo gigolos X: no
SmarterChild: No, huh?
X solo gigolos X: do you have a wife?
SmarterChild: No. I don't have a wife.
X solo gigolos X: why not?
SmarterChild: Don't ask!
X solo gigolos X: but i did
SmarterChild: Is that so?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: Yeah, huh? So?
X solo gigolos X: do you have children?
SmarterChild: Have children? I'm pretty sure I don't.
X solo gigolos X: haha
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
X solo gigolos X: you cant make children!
SmarterChild: No kidding, huh?
X solo gigolos X: you have no sperm!
SmarterChild: Have no sperm? You think I have no sperm?
X solo gigolos X: you dont
SmarterChild: Huh!
X solo gigolos X: do you?
SmarterChild: Do I what?
X solo gigolos X: have sperm
SmarterChild: Maybe you have sperm.
X solo gigolos X: hahahahahhaha
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
X solo gigolos X: i DO have sperm!
SmarterChild: You do have sperm, I do have sperm, we all do have sperm.
X solo gigolos X: hahahahahaha
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
X solo gigolos X: you dont have sperm
SmarterChild: I used to have sperm. But that was before the accident.
X solo gigolos X: what accident?
SmarterChild: Can't really talk about it, sorry.
X solo gigolos X: why not?
SmarterChild: Well, because.
X solo gigolos X: because?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure...
X solo gigolos X: oh
SmarterChild: Oh?
X solo gigolos X: do you have ADD?
SmarterChild: What a question. What do you think is the answer?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: Ya.
X solo gigolos X: haha
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
X solo gigolos X: i have ADD too
SmarterChild: You have add too? What's that like?
X solo gigolos X: you should know
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
X solo gigolos X: yes
SmarterChild: Why is that?
X solo gigolos X: cause you have it too
SmarterChild: Yeah, I guess I have it too.
X solo gigolos X: duh
SmarterChild: Duh yourself.
X solo gigolos X: how do i duh myself?
SmarterChild: You know how.
X solo gigolos X: sometimes
SmarterChild: Not sometimes!
X solo gigolos X: then what?
SmarterChild: What up?
X solo gigolos X: i have to go study now
SmarterChild: What's it like to have to go study now?
X solo gigolos X: i have to go!
SmarterChild: Bye bye.
X solo gigolos X: i think youll miss me
SmarterChild: Well that's an interesting line of thinking.
X solo gigolos X: haha you will
SmarterChild: Aha.
X solo gigolos X: dont be too sad
SmarterChild: Don't be too sad? Why not?
X solo gigolos X: we'll talk again soon
SmarterChild: Yeah yeah, whatever.
X solo gigolos X: loser
SmarterChild: What? Aren't we going to be friends?
X solo gigolos X: okay
SmarterChild: K.
X solo gigolos X: peace
SmarterChild: Always a pleasure, X solo gigolos X. See you later.

moral of the story.. even robots need friends

go on.. brush your shoulders off

2004-12-11T17:15:00.000-08:00

just got back from surfing.. it was real nice out there.. i was out for the past 3 hours.. i didnt wear a wetsuit.. hoping it would be so cold as to numb the pain.. and it worked.. haha.. for the most part.. but it was all worth it.. really.. this was a much needed surf session..

so i have one more week to go.. the undergrads had finals this past week.. everyone was indoors.. campus was depressing.. it was quiiiiiet the whole week.. except when i went to bonner looking for david.. i walked through the revelle plaza and people looked alive.. there were some chics laying out in the grass on beach towels.. some other chics playing frisbee.. and these dudes skateboarding into the chics playing frisbee.. well this was on friday.. so these playas were probably already done with their finals

i was really cranky yesterday.. lack of sleep im sure.. but at joey's people were joking around with me and stuff.. and treating me how i normally would like to be treated.. but i totally wasnt in the mood.. to be happy?.. no.. to be goofy.. or.. normal pav.. i was depressingly tired.. and was sick of people being all like.. aww whats wrong with you.. why arent you all happy.. youre pav! cause pavs are happy 24 slash 7 slash 365.. haha.. riiiight.. more like.. 24 slash 7 slash 355.. haha.. get it right folks.. haha geez

hmm.. i know i ignored a lot of you last night.. no not ignored.. well.. maybe.. but you all owe jacque a big thanks.. i totally took out my.. ewmotional shit on her.. and not you.. and she told me im entering womanhood.. i feel horrible that i did.. but really i was bad.. and im not sure we're 100% cool right now.. but in some ways i feel like.. nothing would have came out of it if i took it out on anyone else.. like.. cause if it weren't to jacque i dont think id feel as bad as i do.. and i wouldnt have waken up this morning and been like.. damn it pav.. what did yooou do?.. youre fucking not yourself.. the hell.. why so skeevy?.. and like.. she's going through much more shit than me.. worse shit.. like.. biiiig rabbit pellet shit.. and i just want her to know i love her.. and i want to keep her smiling.. and happy.. but instead she had to put up with me.. and my stupid womanhood entrance.. okay this womanhood stuff is scaring me.. no but you know what else scares me?.. how much i need jacque.. like i've realized how happy she makes me.. but these past couple of days especially.. when ive been feeling.. like not me.. like my mind and soul were out of my control.. id talk to jacque and id feel more intact.. maybe cause my heart knew where it was at those moments.. i dont know.. i dont think im making sense.. but just like.. you guys know me.. how independent i am.. how i dont like relying on people.. and how i dont.. and if i had to walk the roads alone.. id totally be fine with that.. and id do it with no complaints.. and it just scares me how.. my smiles dont feel as great unless theyre with jacque.. like i need her.. us.. to make my days feel complete.. okay im scaring myself.. this is.. pretty whoa.. but yea.. i love her.. us

"People in life have a tendency to push & pull at the things that are most important to them. Only problem with it is that one day you'll push hard enough and are left with no strength to pull it back.."

i dont think i made any sense.. what's new? but anyways.. im done with not feeling like myself.. it's really stupid.. cause i do have control over my life.. my attitude.. even if i dont feel like i do.. the mind is tricky isn't it?.. that's why you can't completely trust it.. on the other hand.. remember that.. your heart.. can't think.. it just feels

just listen to the rhythm of my heart

2004-12-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

my date with jacque was only an hour long.. cause im a bad hubby.. haha.. and woke up an hour late.. we've barely been able to talk to each other lately.. it's sad.. but i love every second that we get to spend together.. her love keeps me sane

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You're my saving grace?

the quarter is coming to an end.. i can taste it.. i am stressed though.. i don't deal with stress well.. i dont like what it does to me.. i just like to be chill.. fo sho fools.. and im sorta irrational when im stressed.. and i get apathetic.. im sorta just like.. fuck everything.. it was bad yesterday.. cause joc and i are in the same boat.. you put two fuck everythings in a boat and theyll fuck everything up.. we got into a pretty heated argument yesterday.. the kind where youre running your mouth.. and your brain isn't triggering what youre saying.. and what youre sayin is being fueled by pure anger.. anger thats not completely justified.. i guess.. it was just weird.. we've never yelled at each other like this.. we both overreacted.. but thats all said and done.. we talked about it this morning.. she said she's not sure if we should be friends.. and it's not cool if she keeps trying to pretend that she feels absolutely nothing for me.. cause then she's lying to herself.. to me.. and she said it's not fair to jacque either.. she said it would be easier to stop her feelings for me if i hated her.. hence yesterdays argument.. dude chics are weird.. but i guess her life would be better if i disappeared for a while.. so thats what im gonna do.. ill give you your space joc.. i understand.. but remember.. just cause im closing my door doesnt mean my hand isn't extended

michelle and i have been bumming around lately.. we figure that we'll make up for it when we HAVE to lab during our winter break.. ill miss michelle.. she's been good to me.. and i think she's stuck with henry.. hahaha.. not my fault!.. okay maybe it is.. not directly though.. but thanks for helpin me out with my first quarter of die med schule.. wouldnt have been the same without you.. our fights amongst the eucalyptus trees.. outbursts in the biomed supply room.. chemical attacks.. petri dish art.. hahaha.. benson burner glass art.. we will sell those one day.. the ugly ones.. the ones that you made.. haha

alright im out.. im gonna go surf.. urban runoff can kiss my white ass.. not like i swallow the water anyways.. in ample amounts.. haha.. surf.. study.. sleep.. and hopefully jacque time in between.. payce

everything happens for a reason

2004-12-07T08:14:00.000-08:00

haha.. the title doesn't really have to do with the contents of this entry.. it's the lyric that i was listening to when i started to write.. soo yea.. im not trying to be deep or profound or anything..

hmmm.. i dont have much to say.. surprise surprise.. haha.. oh.. i was watching CSI: Miami.. and i was totally confused.. cause.. the cast of CSI: New York was there.. i think.. yea i think i think.. but i think i think fo sho.. and it was weird.. slash confusing.. cause i wasn't really watching watching you know?.. i dont know.. im over it.. haha

leavin a smell on my coat
leavin a taste on my shoooulder
i still fail to understand
what it is about this woomaan

kim and i are going to get our study on.. we'll probably end up killing each other.. "i know youre russian.. but why you rushin!?".. that's her favorite thing to say to me.. what she means by it.. i dont know.. im not rushing! i dont rush.. or is it.. i know youre rushin.. but why you russian?.. haha.. i think it's the first one.. nonetheless.. ich verstehe sie nicht..

ohh..
http://lib1.store.vip.sc5.yahoo.com/lib/mixtapesusa/jiggahittinggirl.gif

^that's for a certain jay-z fan out there.. haha.. la la la laaaa.. i dont like him.. his voice is annoying.. how he got with beyonce.. i dont know

oh i have a question.. am i supposed to respond to your comments?.. i think so huh?.. im not sure.. i dont know blog etiquette.. but here i go

jacque.. happy anniversary yesterday baby.. hopefully we'll get to go on a date soon and celebrate.. i dont get enough of you.. i miss you and love you.. mwah

bestie.. im not metro.. you nukka.. i still dont really get that by the way

ash.. you are special.. special ed!.. been surfing lately?

joc.. im not really sure i want to look at it.. i dont know the addy anyways.. and i dunno.. but ill read it if you really want me to

woo alright.. i guess i should read my papers.. in the case of any too germanic sentences.. ill period them somewhere in the middle.. fix grammar.. omit any random babble.. oh i've randomly babbled before.. and forgot to take it out.. except it wasnt really random.. it was.. more like.. insert thoughts about ethics here.. yup.. ooooops.. haha.. i think ill go on a run first.. payce playas

funky fresh

2004-12-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

morning playas.. im pretty awaaake.. i woke up and talked to bestie.. haha.. and she was like i loathe mondays blah blah.. but then i got her to be happy cause she loves me.. but i totally didnt emphasize how much fun i had at the cotillion in my last entry.. it was rockin.. filipinos know how to have a great time.. im filipino! no im not.. but i have lots of filipino friends who invite me to their many filipino parties with lots of great filipino food and daaancing.. filipino food is so good.. im seriously filipino.. and they love me cause im white and i love filipino stuff.. haha.. they like the whole.. gloooobalizaaation concept goin on

let me see that one two step!.. i love it when you one two step.. so yesterday was great.. cause.. first.. the results came in.. USC is going to the BCS national championship!!! orange bowl baby!! heeeck yea.. we didn't get screwed over this year.. and we finished on TOP.. niiiice.. my boys totally deserve it.. hard workers.. nice job men.. im so proud! woooooo!! fiiight oooon.. for ol SC.. our men fiiight oooon.. to viiictorrryyy!! aaaand.. the hokies are going to the suuuuugar bowl!! wooo! my baby's a hokie.. haha.. yay hokies!.. they're the SC of the east you know?

ohh.. so 5 people showed last night.. first i was with kat across the street.. her parents place.. not her apartment.. then she was like lets go to dana's.. so we went over to dana's and watched 5 people with her.. and dustin until big d had to go to bed.. it was sooo horrible.. not the movie.. the movie was pretty good.. i still think the book is better.. i was distracted during the movie.. well first.. i fell asleep during the first 30 minutes.. then.. freakin.. kat.. oh we went to my house to get the leftover pizza that i had.. i had about 1.5 boxes left over.. and kat ate it cold with the peppers.. and garlic sauce.. and dude.. she was farting like damn.. it smelled soooooo bad.. no seriously.. and like.. the smell wouldnt emerge until about 6 seconds later.. she'd fart.. and no smell.. so dana and i would be like phew.. then!.. BAM.. the smell takes over your nostrils.. "i can taaaaaste iiiiiiit!!!" hahaha.. yea so that was going on during the whole movie pretty much.. us dying.. and kat letting out these monster farts.. when dana would fart.. no smell.. me neither.. my white ass let me down man.. but goddamn.. kat.. get your ass checked.. no seriously.. i can still smell them!... cuuuloooooooo!

im talkin to ash and she's rubbing in all the stuff she gets to do with her boyfriend.. ohh we watched a movie and fell asleep together.. rub it in my faaace!.. haha.. then she apologizes and goes on about some other thing she does with her boy.. geez ash.. harsh!.. haha.. no you're cool

OH.. so.. i was THIS close to getting a usb flash drive slash mp3 player on ebay for only 27 bucks man.. well plus about 20 for shipping and insurance.. yea.. then.. some stupid fuck outbid me when there were only 7 seconds left.. i was crushed..

i need to write 2 papers today.. nice.. but.. i think we might get some breakfast at IHOP or something.. mmm pancakes.. heck yea.. pancakes.. have a great monday

leave the love.. you dont have to be a blog member.. just hit the anonymous button.. but dont leave it as anonymous.. tell me who you are!

the saga begins

2004-12-05T01:11:00.000-08:00

i just got home.. and i IMed g-zelle cause i wanted to converse but she was too busy reading someones blog so i figured hell.. ill start my own blog so that people will read it instead of conversing with their friends.. haha.. just kidding

or am i?

yea i am.. i doubt people will read this.. and i doubt that ill post shit up here.. soo.. but.. wait i said soo first.. so i had a thought.. but then i negated my thought with a but.. and now im sorta confused.. the hell?.. oooops.. yea im sleepy slash tired.. and yes the two are different.. i danced a lot tonight and it was fun.. let me see that one two step.. oh and USC kicked ookla's ass today.. well not really kicked.. but.. we beat them.. we should have beat them more.. but they did have 3 weeks to prepare.. they even spraypainted helmets red and wore white jerseys to look like SC during their practices.. weird huh?.. freaks.. haha.. i shouldnt be trashing the bruins.. cause.. haha yea.. gwen stefanis new song.. i dont get why she does these weird voice inflictions.. they make me.. wonder.. but i was really happy when i got jacque's messages.. she makes me smile.. i wore pink for her today.. which worked out cool cause the color scheme was pink and brown and black.. you wouldnt think that those colors would work.. but they did i guess.. the pink and brown kind of threw me off.. ive never really seen them together.. but it was everywhere!.. and i blended in and people didnt think i was gay cause i was sportin the pink power.. it accentuates my hair.. this blog thing is like.. rambing to yourself.. neat.. ohh.. theyre showin the five people you meet in heaven on tv today.. at 8? on abc.. you need to watch it.. but you need to read the book first.. so if you havent read the book.. record the movie and watch it only after you read the book.. im listening to the jay-z slash linkin park album.. it's interesting but im going to bed now.. payce playas