none of you came to live with me in san francisco. but i'll be back in san diego in 2011 i hope. i'm ready for a new chapter in my life. the one where everything comes together and im happy again. i think 2011 is going to be a good year, i have a feeling it will be completely brand new and full of surprises. i'm looking forward to it. i need the change, big time.
You all should come here, now. The food is great, the weather isn't bad. Just a little chilly at times but that's cause us socal kids are spoiled like something else. All of you are moving, but just.. not here. What is with this moving to New York business? You wanna get attacked by giant rats? No, that's cool.. but I think you all should consider San Francisco. Anyways, you miss me. I'm fun, funny, and make you happy. And really, you'd enjoy it here. The people are really cool, lots of style, very nice. I know I mentioned the food, but it's really good. And, tourists are always fun to witness. That never gets old. There's lots of things to do here, so please come move here. just for a year or two.. just for fun, something different. I'm all sad and lonely here, it's gettin kinda lame haha. i have an extra room. So please, come to frisco.. at least to visit your old friend. Because I miss and love you.
it's true. i kind of don't like the way i've been living though.
i dont why, but ever since i was in the 3rd grade, i had my heart set on being a doctor. and i worked hard.. extremely hard.. to become a doctor. i have an MD attached to my signature now, and am called doctor, but i'm just starting out, and now i'm working harder than ever. this isn't the life i want to live right now, even though i absolutely love what i do, if that makes sense. i chose my own path, i love helping and curing patients, but i don't want to die working hard. after going to school for 20 straight years, i want more. there's more out there. the world is huge, i want to be introduced to it.
i met a gentleman who was in the military. he was stationed in germany for part of his service, and japan, and had a great time. he traveled all over europe, asia, was sent to other places in the world for a week or two at a time, rode elephants, fed kangaroos, hugged orphan children from all sorts of different countries, experienced more than most everyone will in their lifetime. he also killed a couple of people in iraq. all of this made possible with our hard earned money, given up every april 15th.
haha i didn't know where this post would take me, guess i found out. but i dont think that was my point, so i'll keep going. i don't feel like i'm living. yes, i have a great career that took me 20 years to start. but that's not really living. there's so much i want to see, to do. i'm flexible. i'd be happy settling down and starting a family tomorrow. but that doesnt look like it's going to happen anytime soon. i'd be happy joining the navy and being stuck on a ship for half a year at a time, getting to do humanitarian work overseas. i'd even be happy just waking up tomorrow and getting to go to work.
i just feel like i'm ready for more. i have been. having too much opportunity is almost scary. if i really wanted to pack up and travel the world, i could. i'd probably lose my job, but that would be the risk i take. you only live once. if i wanted to go get married and start making babies, i could. it would be a life-altering change, but it a good way. you only live once. if i wanted to go move somewhere else, i could. it would be a lot of trouble, but something different. you only live once.
it's hard for me to veer off the track that i've been on for 20 years though. i'm not near where i want to be in terms of my career, so a part of me just says keep going. but i am ready for more. and in order to satiate that feeling, i'll probably need to go off track for a while. not by a whole lot, but just enough. but then again, there's no need for tracks, huh? you only live once.
On another note, Susan Boyle rocks.
I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living So different now from what it seems Now life has killed The dream I dreamed.
having a planner is good and bad. good because it helps organize your life, a page at a time. i know what i need to do, in what span of time.
my planner is super detailed.
that's part of why it's bad. it's overwhelming. in each month, there are only a couple of days that are blank. and those days aren't actually really blank, cause i usually need to run errands during those days. i wish i had more blank. it's a feeling.. of calm. of nothing hectic. just enjoying the blank.
i need something to fill my planner with more blank. even though it's not possible to add more days in the week, it is possible to take a moment in each day and make it feel blank. i know i need that. i might slowly crumble without it.
A year has gone by, and i can read each of these past posts and have it feel like yesterday.
However, I've reached a new phase in my life.. and it feels like a lot is going to change.
The major differences in my life now are: 1. i'm a professional, with a degree 2. i moved to san francisco 3. i left my heart in san diego, with a 1 year old who is amazing in every way
I feel like a different person. I feel ready.. ready to do great things in my career, and more importantly i feel ready for life to really begin. I feel all gay for admitting this here, but what i ultimately want is to marry an amazing woman and make her happy every minute of every day. i want a relationship that is so open and honest, so filled with kisses and love.. getting through our workdays thinking about each other and looking forward to sharing the covers at night. i want to make beautiful babies with her.. and enjoy all aspects of parenthood with her.. laughing and smiling through life.
it's scary to think that i might not have all of that in my lifetime. it's something you really cant work toward in the same sense that you work toward a degree or license or something. it's not a one way street because meshing two lives includes just that - two lives. that's what makes things tricky sometimes. but im keeping my heart open for the possibility, for that chance of a lifetime that will make my lifetime.. a super universe
haha, neat eh? not really because that cleaning duster was my main form of procrastination that made me feel like i was doing some use, cleaning my keyboard. and i also liked to put the can up to my face when it got cold. no wonder it's empty cause ive been procraaastinating. i really need to study because i do, but im halfway in a food coma so i could easily fall asleep. i need to buy a frame so that i can hang my CHALLENGE poster. okay im gonna go do work, forreals. hit it mistro! oh but those were amazing. that crepe was amazing. i love food a lot. i have really good taste buds. the boys dominated over the girls of course but they did well. i also gave my first serious sharpie tat today. kat von d style. it was, veerrry niiice! okay i'm off. forrealzzz
rooough day man.. bunch of laaame things happened.. only really good part of my day so far has been spendin the morning with jacque.. we almost always have good times though haha right baby?.. thuuug mufasa
i think the po pos are after me.. all of them.. on land and sea.. geeez
alright.. so joc and i have been debating about these four things for a whiiile now.. and well im right.. i just want her to realize that.. so i want your feeedback so she can see that im right. just so you know.. her arguments are her own words.. also.. ladies have a good trip.. be safe.. well.. as safe as bein eurotrash can be.. hahaha whores i love you kids
and remember.. im right.. and also im sure we will offend.. so dont read on if youre one of thooose
1. ranking of sketchy military branches
her argument: marines, navy, army, air force. the only debate here is for 2nd place. i vote the navy simply because every port they pull into, there are prostitutes with their legs open, waiting for them. army men don't get as much ass as they wish they did, therefore are not as sketchy. the navy dudes have the resources and use them.
my argument: marines.. aaarmy.. navy.. air force.. becaaause.. sure there are hookers waiting for sailors.. doesn't mean they go get em.. and if they do.. nothing wrong with that it's up to them. theyre just helpin out the economy.. helpin these women do their jobs! it's not their fault that these women had to resort to such a heinous industry. we all know guys have their needs.. on the ooother hand.. army dudes dont get enough ass so they try to hit up even their friends wives and shtuufff.. haha.. oh and they kill their own mankind mercilessly.. with guns
2. rihanna song "unfaithful"
her argument: omg such a stupid song. i like rihanna a lot, but this song shows her stupidity. looking at this verse alone: He's more than a man And this is more than love The reason that the sky is blue But clouds are rolling in Because I'm gone again And to him I just can't be true
she knows that what she has with him is stronger than love, yet she can't stop cheating on him! stupid girl! aaahh that's not even the worse verse. but ok if she doesnt want to be a "murderer" then she should leave the guy shes cheating on and continue fooling around with the guy she's cheating on him with. simple. she has no reason to whine about it 'cause she knows she's stupid and yah, this song is crap. it's almost as if she's trying to get us to feel sorry for the fact that she's a murderer as she says. girl, everyone thinks your song is stupid. pav does too.
my argument: i see why everyone bashes on this song.. i did too until i really listened to the words. my thing is that at least she feels bad for what she's doing.. and realizes what she's doing to him.. i do think it's lame that she can't let him go especially since she knows that he knows.. but then again i think it's even more lame on the guys part to go along with it. i understand how she doesnt wanna let him go cause he's such a good guy.. but she obviously found something in guy number 2 to go ahead and hurt her boyfriend.. so she does suck for cheating on him.. but he sucks for taking it. my point.. is that the song isn't as bad as people think it is.. just gotta look at it from a different perspective.. i understand her struggle so to speak.. and you know.. she obviously feels bad for what she's doing so i give her props for that.. at least she's not bein a sneaky cheater yo.. but dont worry.. im sure her next single is gonna be a fast song that we all can dance to.. haha
3. coldstone vs golden spoon
her argument: golden spoon is way better than cold stone 'cause of the fact that it's yummy, healthy frozen yogurt and not fatty ice cream.
my argument: i dont think there is any argument here.. coldstone wins cause it's damn good ice cream
4. snow boarding vs surfing
her argument: snow boarding is much easier, therefore much more fun. you don't have to worry about catching waves because the mountain is like 1 huge wave! it lasts longer than a wave too and you dont have to paddle out which is a bitch sometimes.
my argument: there is no other feeling in the world like riding a wave.. i think snowboarding is easier because of the fact that the mountain is right there.. doesnt move.. you dont really have to adjust to nature moving underneath you.. carrying you.. but part of the beauty of surfing is that it's almost a tug of war for control.. you and the wave sort of compete for control and if you ride it.. it's as if youve met a balance.. surfing is not as continuous as snowboarding.. but that feeeeling man.. nothing in the world like it.. and.. we live in freakin socal joc.. aint no snowy mountains year rooound like there is the ooocean with waaaves dude
